No Beginning, No End
by greenlemons
Summary: Post Breaking Dawn. Edward leaves with no real explanation as to why. Bella, Nessie and the rest of the Cullen's deal with his absence. But why did Edward leave? Where is Edward? Did he leave anything behind to explain himself...?
1. He Said Goodbye

**AN: This is my new story, ta-da! I hope you all enjoy it and don't forget to read and review. A few things firstly, though: 1. I have realized that Carlisle is a very difficult character to write!! 2. Please stick around with this story; I have it planned out exactly. I will make it the best it can be.**

**Thank you to my new Beta: LeahAdele.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer.**

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**No Beginning, No End**

_"Is this the master plan? You're gonna stop me by telling me you love me?"  
"Well, I was gonna walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kind of cartoony."  
-_Willow and Xander_, Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

Chapter 1: He Said Good-bye

As I glanced down at my watch, I was mildly surprised to find that it was nearing seven o'clock at night. Sometimes it amazed me at how fast time flied. Especially, since I could have gone on working for another seventy-two hours straight before I would feel any need to go home. Unfortunately, with this human facade, that was impossible. I would have to pause for food and sleep breaks. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Are you heading home now, Dr. Cullen?" A heavy set nurse by the name of Betty asked me. Betty was a very nice lady who had three children and had to go home to take care of her eldest son's daughter. Her son refused to take full responsibility of his child and she was forced to be the surrogate mother to her three year old granddaughter. She always had dark bags underneath her eyes and constantly looked exhausted. I felt sympathy toward this hard-working middle-class human.

"Yeah, I was thinking about it," I said, giving her a warm smile.

She beamed. "Say hello to that lovely wife of yours. Wow, six kids, I can't imagine it. Never mind that, six teenagers," Betty's eyes widened at the notion.

"They're the best family. I believe I can no longer call them children," I shook my head in a mock-form of astonishment.

Betty snorted. "No matter what, they'll always be your children."

I smiled faintly. "Yes, that's true."

"Are they all still living with you and your wife? I can't imagine that they are. Some are in college, yes?" I wondered what the sudden interest in my family was. I had to choose my words carefully. Betty was looking at me eagerly. She seemed too interested in what I had to say for me to try and change the subject.

"Yes, they are," I decided to keep my answer short.

"That must be some big house."

I gave her a sideways look. "What's the sudden interest in my family about, Betty?" I asked lightly, trying not to be defensive.

I had changed hospital locations. After an additional eight years, I couldn't exactly continue to be a doctor at the Forks hospital. My co-workers already had a difficult time accepting me being in my thirties, I had to leave there soon after Nessie was born. I now worked at a hospital in British Columbia. Anyone from Forks would have to drive six hours, roughly, to get to this hospital. It took me only two with the way I drove. It was unlikely that I would get caught by anyone from Forks. Plus, working in Canada made it even more unlikely.

"I've always been interested," she shrugged. I never thought of Betty to be such a nosey person. I started to feel annoyance toward this woman, even though I desperately wished I didn't. I had no right to judge. She was just being curious, like humans were. Bless them.

Besides, I had spent years avoiding suspicion from humans. I shouldn't feel so uncomfortable with her questions. I had lived through this so many times over it was as simple as anything.

"Well, they do still live with Esme and I. It's nice...we enjoy they're company thoroughly," I answered her. I hoped that was a satisfying enough response for her.

"Do you see any grandchildren in your future? I tell you, sometimes I prefer being a grandma then a mother," Betty's expression dropped slightly.

I immediately think of Nessie. But no one can know about her; which is something that frustrates my granddaughter to no end. "I don't think I'll be a grandfather for quite some time."

Betty nods as if she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"I apologize Betty, but my wife is expecting me home for dinner soon," I say glancing at my watch to emphasize my hasty leave.

"Oh, yes, of course! I don't mean to keep you waiting. Have a nice evening, Dr. Cullen," she smiles at me in adoration. It's hard not to notice these women who attempt to flirt with me. I always feel guilty for having to act oblivious to their forward gestures. It was obvious that she wanted more of a response from my answers. Maybe, she would have liked it if I innocently flirted back?

"You as well," I nod and head quickly to my office to retrieve my things and drive home. All I could think of right now was seeing Esme's warm inviting smile. No matter where we were in the world, as long as I saw Esme happy and glowing, I felt at home. That was a nice feeling.

I soon found myself making my way onto the highway in my Mercedes, eager to get home with every passing second. I thought about the welcome I got every single night I returned home from work. It was the perfect hello. Esme would greet me with a kiss on the cheek and we'd share a small moment with one another. Whoever else was home would say 'hi' in such a careless way that it made me feel so good that we had reached a point as a family where seeing one another all the time was just like breathing. It was inevitable that we would all return home and be there for one another whenever it was needed.

So caught up in my thoughts, was I, that I hadn't realized the silver Volvo driving closely behind me. I blinked and saw that it was Edward with a fierce look of determination plastered across his features. I gave him a curious look through my rear-view mirror and pulled over to the side of the deserted road. I quickly got out of the car feeling anxious. Edward was already out of his car, waiting impatiently.

"Edward, is there something wrong?" I asked striding toward him. He stood very still and held up a hand to stop my advancement.

"I need you to do several things for me," he said slowly. The intense look on his face prevented me from asking the millions of questions running through my head. Although, he didn't need me to say them aloud to know them.

I hesitated, wondering what these 'several things' could be, because in that moment I got the impression that Edward was about to say something very unsettling. "Yes, of course. What is it, son?"

"I have to go and I need you to watch out for Nessie and Bella for me. I need you to do this for me. Please." Edward's intensity increased when he pleaded. He felt very strongly with what he was saying to me. This meant a lot to him and he didn't want me to disappoint him. Despite his cool facade, I could see the desperation behind his set-features. It was staggering and only made me more nervous as to what he was going to do.

"Of course. Edward, what's going on? Can I help...?"

"Watch them," he said firmly. "Watch them," he repeated. I didn't pull away from his gaze, as much as I wanted to. I felt overwhelmed with the confusion of the situation.

I felt my jaw go slack as I stared at my son. I had seen him go through a lot over the past ten years. He had fallen in love, he had tried to fall out of love, he had sacrificed his happiness for the woman he cared most for, he had married, he had become a father, he had faced his fate without a seconds hesitation, he had been willing to give up his own life to protect his family...so I trusted that what he was about to do was the right thing.

"Don't tell them I spoke to you either. Just...try to pretend you hadn't seen me at all tonight," he said.

I started. "I can't do that -" I thought about lying to my family and it immediately turned my stomach.

"Please, dad. Try...I need time. I can't be worried that they have followed me right away," Edward said quickly.

"You want them to think you've abandoned them?" I asked incredulously. As much as I trusted him, I didn't understand him. What a horrible impression he wanted to leave on his family. I wondered aimlessly why he was proceeding with this departure in this way.

"Just trust me. That's all I ask," Edward said.

He knew I did. He knew I would; so I nodded because that was all I could think of doing. I wanted to beg him to stop and explain, but I knew that it would be a fruitless attempt. Edward understood my dedication. He gave me one last look of his quiet desperation before turning back to his car.

"Be careful," I called out as he sped off down the dark highway.

I hadn't moved for quite some time. I just stared after the Volvo that had been out of my sight for a while now.

What was I going to say to my family? To Bella? To Nessie? To Esme? They wouldn't take my vague explanation easily. They would demand more information and would probably try to go after Edward like he said they might. It was useless. He was long gone. He would only return when he wanted to.

Something caught my eye and I looked down wondering how I hadn't seen it at first? On the ground was a white envelope. Edward had left it. I picked it up and found a sticky note blocking the seal, it read:

_Give this to Bella when you have no other choice..._

No other choice? I pinched the bridge of my nose, imitating Edward. I hoped it would help me. It didn't.

Dreading the upcoming conversation, I walked slowly to my car; I no longer looked forward to going home. Once I was in my seat I sat without moving. What was I going to do? Should I act as if everything was normal? I turned on the engine. I glanced at my watch realizing that it was now eight. I pressed my foot on the pedal urging the car to go faster just so I could have something to do.

Without meaning to, I imagined how Bella would respond to Edward's absence. I shuddered at the thought. I_ knew_ how she'd respond and was convinced that it would be a miserable time for everybody. I wish I was able to fix Edward's problem. It would solve all the pain and heartache his leaving will mark on all of us. But, obviously, I could not help Edward at all. I hoped this would all be over soon. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle Nessie's pain...

I don't think any of us are.

As I got closer and closer to home, I decided that I wouldn't even bring up Edward's absence. I felt horrible for doing it. I felt absolutely terrible. Why did Edward leave me with such a difficult task?

I could hear the inner workings of my household as I guided my car along the highway that led to the drive toward our house. I didn't think I could face them. I'm such an awful person for even considering doing this.

I couldn't hide my detestation for very long. Jasper would surely feel my despair and mention it to the rest of the family. It was no use, I couldn't hide it forever.

Did I owe it to Edward to keep quiet?

I owed a whole lot to my first son. But this?

I had to find the right way to handle this. There had to be a right way. I walked slowly across the meadow in front of our house, up the porch steps and opened our front door.

Esme was waiting for me like I had hoped. She came over and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"How was your day?" she asked, nicely.

_I can't lie to her. I can't lie to her._

I turn and shrug slightly, hanging up my coat.

"Carlisle?" the concern is already present in her tone.

I looked at her meaningfully in the eye. "I'll be in my study." Before I could feel powerless under her stare, I raced to the stairs.

"Carlisle, what's up?" I heard Emmett call to me from the living room, but I ignored him. Jasper gave me a pointed look before I completely disappeared up the stairs.

Once I was in my study I closed the door tightly in relief. I was hiding out from my own family! It was absurd! What will I do? I was sincerely at a loss of how to handle things. The only thing that made the most sense to me was to tell my family the truth: Edward had left.

But then, Edward had begged me to keep it silent for a little while. Although, he had left a note to me to give the letter to Bella when I had no other choice...what did that mean? I sat in my chair behind my desk and buried my face in my hands in frustration. I replayed everything that Edward said to me over and over. Was there a way around what he had said?

He told me to just _try_ to keep up the facade. I was trying and failing at keeping it quiet. I couldn't even look my family in the eye long enough for them to not suspect something! From the moment I walked through that door Esme knew something was wrong. They all knew me too well for Edward's good. This wouldn't work at all.

Edward had to have known that. Maybe that's why he said, 'just try...'

It couldn't be managed, but I could try.

The only thing that I could think of doing in this moment was to wait.

I sat in the dark of my study, waiting.

Waiting for someone to realize what was going on.

I hoped it would be soon.

After hours of my waiting, finally, I heard Bella enter the house. Emmett and Jasper were watching the television. Esme was pacing back and forth downstairs, worrying endlessly about me. I tried to block her anxiety out, but it was near impossible. Rosalie was in her bedroom, fretting over her appearance. Alice was outside, seemingly relaxing out in the night.

And Renesmee was out with Jacob.

Bella asked the question I had been dreading: "Has anyone seen Edward? I've been trying to call him for hours..." She was playing around with her phone; I could hear its digital noise with each press of a button.

"No, I haven't seen him since this morning," Esme contributed. She had stopped her pacing and focused her attention on a concerned Bella.

"It's not like him to not pick up the phone," Bella muttered, confused. She tried to hide it, but I could feel the worry building up in her tone. Her pain would come soon. Once she knew...

"Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you," Emmett offered. I heard Rosalie exit the confines of her bedroom and head swiftly down the stairs.

"Emmett, don't be mean," Rosalie chastised. "I'll try and call him." Rosalie pulled out her phone and waited while the other line rang and rang before Edward's voice-mail picked up. Rosalie obviously gave up after that as I heard her close her phone.

Emmett snorted. "Yeah, like you're any better than Bella." I heard Rosalie smack her husband for his comment. "I meant to Edward!" he apologized. Alice entered the house and there was silence as they all tried to call Edward, with no luck.

I could almost hear Esme thinking. "Carlisle, can you come down here?" her voice was soft and didn't betray any of her suspicions: that I knew something.

I really wished I could ignore her. I headed down stairs. Everyone was looking at me hopefully. I saw all their expressions. Some of them were suspicious. And strangely, Rosalie looked as if she knew the answer to what was going on. She was frowning and a crease in her forehead indicated that she was fuming inside. I looked at Bella lastly to find that she was holding her stomach, her expression showed her fear and anxiety.

The tension was thick and it was only a matter of time before someone exploded. I think I knew who it would be too...

"Well, do you know where he is?" Bella asked the moment my foot reached the bottom step.

I closed my eyes. "No, I don't know where he went." I regretted almost immediately for phrasing it the way I had, because they all seemed to catch my double meaning.

"'Where he went?'" Emmett repeated. He seemed to give the conversation his full attention now. Apparently it was more interesting than whatever was happening on the television.

"Carlisle," Bella's voice was small. I didn't want to hear anything more. I wished I could freeze time. If I were to have any extra-vampire ability I wished it was the power of stopping everything at once. I wanted to stop Bella mid-request and go on with the next while until Edward came back home. "Did you talk to Edward? Where is he? Please, you have to tell me!" Her voice changed from small to urgent in an instant. Her tone made her questions harder to ignore.

I sighed, allowing the truth to escape my lips. "I talked to Edward a few hours ago," I said. I reached to my back pocket and presented Bella with the letter Edward had left in my possession.

"What -?" Bella yanked the letter from my hand but seemed reluctant to read its contents. She stared at her name scrawled in Edward's elegant handwriting. She slowly backed up and seemed too weak to stand any longer - which never happened to a vampire - as she sunk into the seat beside Emmett. Emmett stared at the letter with a look of understanding and pity. He put a large hand on Bella's shoulder; she was shaking from head to toe. I saw her swallow slowly.

"I'm sorry," was all I could think of saying. I truly was - more than anyone would ever know. I sneaked a glance at my wife who looked absolutely thrown at the exchange. But when she finally looked away from Bella and the letter and stared back at me, I knew that she understood how sorry I was.

**R/R!!!!!**


	2. He Made Her Angry

**AN: So, I got back to writing from Rosalie's POV. It felt gooooood. It was an easy chapter to write and fun. So this is for all those fans of _The Trick is to Keep Breathing._ A little Emmett and Rosalie!!**

**I'm going to flatter myself and assume there are more than three people reading this story. I'm going to do my best to finish it, if it's the last thing I do. The updates have been lacking because it's my last week of school and Christmas is next week. YAY! I'll be most likely working non-stop over the holidays, but I'll try to update more!. We'll see. READ AND REVIEWWWWWW!**

**Thanks to my beta!**

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**No Beginning, No End**

Chapter 2: He Made Her Angry

_"She was looking to get all payback-y...but I cooled her down a little. Actually a lot."  
"Mmhmm...So, you're saying a powerful and mightily pissed off [girl] was gonna go and spill her self some blood until you stopped and 'explained' it to her?"  
"Wait, you think she did it?"  
"I'd do it. Right person. Person I loved. I'd do it."  
-_ Buffy and Spike_, Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

Rosalie's POV

The moment Bella said she couldn't get a hold of Edward, I knew something was wrong. And when Carlisle came down the stairs - I saw his expression - then it became clear. Edward left. He had said goodbye to Carlisle but not to his own wife and child.

The rage that erupted from deep inside me was nearly blinding. Since Nessie's birth, Bella had become my sister. I love her dearly and the fact that my good-for-nothing, self righteous, ass of a brother left her _again_, infuriated me. I was shocked at first, but then I came to realize that it was _Edward_ and something must have happened to him lately that caused him to feel consumed with self-loathing. And when he was beating himself up, he took it out on the rest of the family by leaving so he wouldn't have to deal with everyone's worrying. He was such a selfish boy. Because that's all he was: a boy. A man and a father would have stayed with his family and weathered the storm. He would not turn his back. But Edward seemed to be stuck in his seventeen-year-old body's mind frame.

I clenched my fists tightly as Bella sat on the couch, blinking blankly at the letter in her trembling hands.

'I'm sorry'! - Carlisle said. _Sorry_. He waited until _now_ to tell us that Edward had abandoned his family. Why? Because precious Edward wanted to cause more of a ruckus in this family by turning us all against one another? Pitch Carlisle in the middle - see what happens!

"When were you planning on telling us this?" I finally managed to ask.

Carlisle closed his eyes and took a few steps closer to us. "I just told you."

"But you didn't come home with information of Edward's whereabouts. In fact, you stayed in your study until we _asked_ you to come down! What's up with that?" I attacked. I felt guilty for yelling at Carlisle - he meant so much to me, to us - but, my rage wouldn't allow me to keep a level head. The monster inside of me was roaring to get revenge and to take it out on someone. Edward wasn't here for me to focus this negative energy on, so I decided my father was the best replacement.

"I didn't _want_ to keep it from you. But Edward asked me not to say anything right away. He was very vague and I was so staggered by his appearance that I probably didn't ask the appropriate questions like _you_ would Rosalie," Carlisle answered calmly. He also had to throw in a little, subtle jab at me. Damn right I would have asked the right questions. In fact, I would have physically stopped Edward! I would have grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and tossed him back into this house like a puppy.

I snorted. "Right. That's great! So he just left you a letter and said, 'lie to the family for me, alright pops? Love you!'?" I sneered.

Emmett was holding Bella close to his chest. I caught his eye and I saw his fury - it mirrored mine. I smirked at my ally.

Esme was hovering nervously in between Carlisle and I. She looked like she wanted to intervene, but didn't know where to start. Alice and Jasper were whispering silently to one another in a corner of the room.

"Alice, do you see Edward at all?" Esme asked softly. Alice frowned and pulled away from Jasper.

"Honestly, things have been a little...blurry. Edward is definitely working around my visions," she bit her lower lip.

"What do you _see_, Alice," I hedged, not accepting her dodging of the question.

"I don't _know_, Rose. I haven't exactly been looking out for our future lately so I hadn't seen Edward plotting to leave, I guess! I _just_ tried to see something and I only saw flashes! They don't last long and their very vague!" Alice stood up to her full height and glared back at me. I didn't accept her answer the way I should have. I was pissed off that she wasn't able to see his future.

"It's alright, Alice. Calm down. Do you know where he is at all?" Esme tried to reason. It only furthered my anger that she wasn't as disturbed by the situation as she should be! _But, no! _There was always a logical answer to Edward's actions! Perfect, Edward!

The anger towards Edward was rising quickly and I was sure it wouldn't slow down anytime soon.

I was a bit shocked at my resentment toward Edward. I hadn't felt this way since he decided to bring Bella into our lives. I have to say, he and I have been living pretty harmoniously since Nessie's birth. We barely fought at all. Now, I guess my instinct to fight with Edward was finally resurfacing after years of it being dormant.

Alice shook her head. "I see a brick wall behind him, but that could be anywhere!"

We're all silent as we watch Bella respond. She is shrinking deeply into herself and Emmett is nudging her at an attempt to get her attention. She doesn't respond. She just lies limply in Emmett's arms. Emmett props her up and lets go of her. He stands up and his size is intimidating at the moment.

"Well, then! Let's go after him!" he booms. He smacks his fist into his open palm in a threatening matter. I'm all for it. Let's drag the bastard back home.

"No!" Carlisle raises his voice. "Edward left. It's his decision. We're not gonna drag him back home kicking and screaming!"

"Let him kick!" Emmett scoffs. "Edward has a family now! He can't just up and leave whenever he feels like it! I can't believe he's doing this! Again!" Emmett fumes. I can see the disappointment on my husband's face and I feel sorry that he had such high hopes for his brother.

"Emmett, you're not going." Carlisle stands in front of Emmett and their size difference is obvious. Carlisle looked very much like a father telling his young son not to yell at his mother that way. His expression was stern and was slightly terrifying only because it was on a rare occasion that Carlisle would be short with us. But when he would be, you _knew_ you did something bad.

Emmett looks as if he could care less that Carlisle ordered him to stay. He gestures to Bella who is so out of it, it tugs at my heart. She has such faith in that boy, it's astonishing. Alice skips to Bella's side and holds her close, trying to whisper comforting things in her ear. It's useless. Bella's gone.

"Carlisle, did Edward say when he'd be back?" Esme reaches Carlisle's elbow and pulls him away from Emmett.

"No, he didn't say much. He just asked me to -" Carlisle inhales sharply and glances at Bella. The expression on his face shows how conflicted and torn up about this whole thing he is. I immediately feel horrible for attacking Carlisle. It's not his fault that Edward left him with the job of telling an angry, hurt and betrayed family.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. This isn't fair to you," I say trying to control the quiver in my voice. I'm just so mad!

He nods and says, "It's alright, Rosalie. I understand."

Emmett's teeth are grinding together. "What are we waiting for? Jasper, let's go get him!" Emmett storms off toward the door. Carlisle grabs his arm and pulls him back.

"Emmett, don't. Please, for me," Carlisle says firmly. Emmett's resolve wavers. His respect for Carlisle is evident.

"What about for Bella?" Emmett's voice lowers. We all look at Bella again, the poor girl.

Carlisle's eyebrows furrow. "And Edward?"

"Edward _left_," I hiss. "We aren't doing anything for him!"

Carlisle's eyes dart back and forth between all of us. He disagrees. I can see.

I'm about to open my mouth to contribute more, when we all freeze.

Nessie's coming.

We look to one another for help. Who's gonna tell her? Bella is in no position to talk. We are all very still as we wait for Nessie to enter the house. Jacob must have just left her because we could hear him race off in his wolf-form. Nessie opens the front door with a grin on her face. I can now relate it to her I-was-just-with-Jacob expression I try not to scowl at the fact that she mingles with a wolf. I'm still not used to it.

Even though she was physically done growing she was still only eight. Only eight. She was extremely young, she should only be a child, not a young woman. It was unsettling most of the time when I thought about it too much.

Nessie stops in her tracks as she glances at the situation before her. Her eyes widen and she zeroes in on her mother.

"What's going on?" her voice is fearful of the answer. We all deliberate on who should explain. "Where's dad?" she asks slowly. It must be confusing to see her mother acting so weak without her father there to comfort her. He always is, in her eyes.

Carlisle sighs and let's go of Emmett's arm. He turns to Nessie and his face looks older and sad. I really didn't envy Carlisle's position right now. To be the one to break the news of her father's abandonment is horrible. She might even hate Carlisle a little bit for it.

"Nessie, your father isn't here," Carlisle began.

"I can see that," Nessie says, irritation entering her tone. She doesn't want to tip-toe around the sleeping dragon. She wants an answer and she wants it now. "What?" she demands.

"He left," Carlisle said slowly, watching her expression closely.

Nessie inhales sharply. She tries to keep her expression void of all emotions. But I can see something flicker in her eye.

"He left," Nessie repeated.

We all show her a guilty expression and as she evaluates everyone around her. She understands. Her father left her and her mother. Her mother. Nessie's eyes are concentrated on her mom.

Nessie walked toward Bella and knelt down. She touched her mom's arm lightly. A reaction finally surfaced in Bella as she saw Nessie. Her eyes were shiny - it looked as if she was about to tear up. But being a vampire, it couldn't be done. Bella's lower lip quivered and it looked like - at the sight of Nessie - she was going to break down.

"Mom..." Nessie said. What hurt the most was one tear slid down Nessie's cheek. I heard all of us gasp. My hatred toward Edward just burrowed deeper and deeper inside of me.

Bella's mouth fell open and she quickly wiped away the one tear on Nessie's cheek. Nessie blinked furiously before clearing her throat.

"Let's go back to the cottage, okay?" Nessie pulled Bella from Alice's arms. Jasper moved to help Nessie. "No, we're fine!" Nessie said shortly. She was practically dragging a lifeless Bella back to their little house in the woods.

We all watched the two of them disappear among the dark trees and we didn't say a word.

"Well, _that_ was absolutely _horrible_. I think my heart broke," Emmett says. I looked at him and his face was crumpled in agony. It was the same expression mirrored on all of our features. But then he shakes his head and turns to the rest of us - his fury is back. "So, are we just going to _allow_ this, Carlisle?"

Carlisle is in pain. I think Nessie's sadness is what got to him the most but as he turned his attention back to us - his resolve was still the same. "What can we do, Emmett? Really? Edward is gone - he made the choice. You don't know where he went. You don't know _why_ he went. Maybe he has a perfectly logical explanation or maybe he doesn't and he's just being selfish. You don't know. But if you want to go after him, I can't stop you," Carlisle's voice was low. He had given up. Esme was immediately holding on to him, one of her hands was rubbing the back of his neck.

Emmett's face fell. He hadn't realized how much Carlisle was really conflicted.

I thought about it - going after Edward. But it seemed unrealistic. He was in his car, so we couldn't exactly follow his scent or anything.

"I think," Jasper finally spoke, stepping forward. "I think we should just leave him be."

And there it was.

I hated that he had said it. "And what do you think Alice?" I say. Alice looks deeply frustrated.

"I agree," she shrugs almost apologetically.

"Rose, Em, let's just calm down. We have Nessie and Bella to think about. Take the time to think things over, please. Let's not do anymore tonight," Esme said to us. She was begging us with her eyes.

My resolve wavers. I want to protect Bella and Nessie but can that really be done by tracking down Edward? They'll need me for moral support. Despite my strong feelings of hate toward Edward, I cared more about Bella and Nessie's sanity. It wouldn't do them any good and would probably bring them more pain.

I was about to agree to Esme's request when Emmett shook his head viciously. "No, I'm going!" He turned on his heel sharply and darted out the front door. I looked frantically at my family who seemed about shocked by Emmett's sudden decision. I followed my husband who was already quite far away.

"Emmett!" I cried after him, darting in between and around the trees. I twisted myself easily through a group of closely rooted trees and branches. I pushed a branch out of my way and I heard it defiantly snap off and I threw it far away so it wouldn't bother me. I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps echo and vibrate through the forest. He was fast, but I was slowly gaining up on him. "Emmett, wait!" I attempted to get him to stop, but he was dead-set on tracking Edward down, it seemed.

It was about four in the morning when we had left the house. So when Emmett decided to run long the middle of the highway, we weren't scared about any cars coming by.

I pushed my legs to move me across the even asphalt even faster than Emmett. I was so close to him, I could almost touch him. "Emmett!" I snapped and lunged forward and jumped on his back. I held tightly to his neck with my legs wrapped around his waist. Emmett didn't stop running, and I felt incredibly ridiculous riding on his back. I jumped off and planted my feet firmly on the ground, making sure I held onto Emmett as tightly as I could. Emmett was very strong, so I wasn't exactly able to draw him to a complete stop, but he did struggle for a bit before finally pushing me off.

"Sorry!" he shouted over his shoulder as he continued to run, he didn't slow down at all.

I was shocked at his determination.

But then Emmett always got a bit funny when it involved Edward, his favorite brother.

"Please, Emmett, talk to me!" I started running again.

"Do you smell him?" He called over his shoulder. Yes, I did smell Edward. It must have been where he and Carlisle had talked. Emmett slowed down and sniffed the air.

"His scent is lost, Emmett. He got in his car and drove away," I skidded to a halt and gripped his forearm with both of my hands. Emmett was looking around for any sort of clue. Or maybe to make things easier, he was hoping Edward would emerge from the trees and say, "You found me!" But he didn't. Edward was gone. Bastard.

"I think I can track the Volvo."

"Not for long you can't." I sighed in annoyance. "Emmett, you're not a tracker, so don't even bother trying! Bella and Nessie need you -"

He whirled around and faced me, looking helpless. My stomach jolted at his expression. I immediately wanted to run over to him and hold him tight. "Rose! I'm not good at the comforting thing. I always feel...awkward with it. _This_ is how I can really make Bella and Nessie feel better, by bringing Edward home!"

"But, he's gone."

He needed to face the truth. Edward had left once again and Emmett couldn't bring him back, just like he couldn't last time. Edward had to come home when he wanted to. I tried to avoid ripping Edward out verbally once again. I think I did enough Edward-bashing already tonight.

"What if he never comes home?" Emmett asks in a small voice, because it's something he fears. I know it isn't because he is so needy that he has to have Edward there. It's for Nessie and Bella - I can see it in his eyes. He's the brother and uncle and he wants to be a damn good one. And he is.

"Well," I say slowly. I walk to Emmett and place my hands on his waist. "This is a pretty small world, and Edward can't avoid us forever - it's impossible," I smile weakly. I know _exactly_ what I'm going to do when I see Edward again...I almost want to cackle evilly.

"How could he?" Emmett mutters in disbelief. "You'd think he'd be over his whole, 'it's for her own good', thing. I mean, she's a vampire now! What can he possible be protecting her from?"

"You think him leaving was a way of protecting Bella?" I ask.

"Why else would he leave? He loves her Rose, you can't deny that," he frowns.

Well, Edward has an awful way of showing his love.

I don't say anything. I kiss Emmett instead and just as I thought he would, he returns it back passionately. "Okay," he exhales afterward. "We can go home I guess. But...can you comfort _me?_ You know, give me a few pointers on how to do it properly," he waggles his eyebrows up and down suggestively. I roll my eyes.

I pinch his bottom and he jumps slightly, a gigantic grin plastered across his features. "Oh, so _that's_ how you comfort somebody! I was doing it all wrong with holding Bella earlier when what I really should have been doing is pinching her -"

I hit him on the arm hard. "Shut up," I laugh. He laughs too and we walk home...

The next day I head to my garage to distract myself from all the negative vibes throughout the entire house. I figure if I focus all my energy on improving my M3, I can forget about everything that's happened for just a few hours. I start by opening the hood of the car and I freeze.

There, lying on top of the engine is a note. The note is scrawled in Edward's elegant writing. What?

I pick it up and read it:

_Patience and kindness will help_

I look around suspiciously. What is Edward playing at?

**R/R!!**


	3. He Left Behind a Broken Wife

**AN: HI! I'm SO sorry this has taken so long. I really want to get this out quicker to you guys because I have plans for this story and I'm really excited to get to them! Stick around because I'll finish this story eventually, I swear! Hopefully I'll get the next chapter out soon! THANK YOU!**

* * *

**No Beginning, No End**

_"I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart."  
"Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating."  
"Don't."  
"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you."  
-_ Angel and Buffy,_ Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

Chapter 3: He Left Behind a Broken Wife

The note is short.

The note is meaningless.

The note is...

A note.

"Mom."

I see Nessie. A light. Everything is so _dark. _Nessie is trying to sleep. She can't. I can't either.

She lies beside me. I am curled into a ball on my bed. _Our_ bed. I stroke the sheets, remembering...he was _just _here. I could smell him. Nessie looks at me, worried? She pulls the note from my hand.

I know what it says.

It's imprinted into my mind. Forever.

Forever.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry. _

_I'll be seeing you,_

_Edward._

That's it.

After so much. That's it.

Nessie's hand is in my hair.

"I wish you could sleep."

Me too.

Nessie's voice is like bells. It's so much like..._his._ I close my eyes, I can't look at her when she is practically his female doppleganger.

I'll be seeing you?

What is that supposed to mean?

Couldn't he explain himself to my face?

The. Pain. Is. So. Bad.

I barely remember the first time he left.

Yes, he's left me before.

But, I'm sure this time it hurts a billion times more.

This time, I know what I'm missing.

...

Esme is here.

Where did Nessie go?

"Bella?" I don't hear her. I only see her mouth move. She takes the spot on the bed that Nessie occupied. "Sweetheart..."

What?

Leave me alone.

Where is Nessie?

...

Hello, Rosalie.

Rosalie looks mad.

She shouldn't be when she has such a beautiful face.

"Hi," I say.

She frowns, angrily. I don't know how she does it.

But she is stunning.

Nessie.

I want to be alone.

I wish I could sink lower and lower and lower...

...

Alice is fast.

She bounces.

A lot.

I don't remember that before. Should I?

Her mouth is flapping up and down so fast, I can't hear her or read her lips.

I nod, to appease her.

Alice needs appeasing.

What a silly little pixie.

...

Nessie?

...

Jacob! He must know where Nessie is!

"Nessie," I think I said. I don't know if he heard me.

"Hey, Bells," his voice is so faint. I'm sure he isn't talking softly at all. Jacob is always loud. "Ness is close by. I promise. She'll be here soon. Deja vu, huh?" He tries to joke. I think that was a joke.

I didn't laugh.

I wish I could, for Jaocb.

"It'll get better, Bella. It has to."

"Would it? If it were Nessie?" I ask, because I really want to know.

His face is clear and readable. He doesn't think he'd be much better.

"Thanks for trying, Jake."

"I'm not done trying just yet, Bells, I promise..."

...

Ah.

Nessie.

"Hi, Renesmee," I say weakly.

She is so beautiful.

It's just her and me.

Once again.

It's always been just her and me.

I see that now.

"Mommy."

She cries.

Big fat tears.

She sobs.

Yes, this time it definitely hurts a billion times more.

I'm not alone.

Because I have to share this pain.

...

_Edward?_


	4. He Paced

**AN: Thank you for the reviews!**

**Also, thank you to my beta.**

**Read and Review!**

* * *

**No Beginning, No End**

_"Who's your daddy?"  
"I hate it when you say that."  
_- Keith and Veronica, _Veronica Mars_

Chapter 4: He Paced 

It has been nearly a week since I heard from Bella or Nessie. I'm starting to get worried. They check in with me constantly; every Sunday they visit me. But now it's Monday night and I haven't heard a peep from them. I glance at the clock. It's six-thirty. I sigh and tap my foot anxiously on the kitchen floor.

"Just call them yourself," Sue tuts from the stove. She's making chili. My stomach growls in anticipation.

"I'm sure they'll call soon," I shake my head and glance at the clock again. I turn my stare to the phone, willing it to ring.

"Call them!" Sue laughs; apparently this is all so very amusing to her. I grunt and heave myself off the chair and make my way to the phone. I hesitate before dialing Bella's cell phone number. The line rings and rings, when finally her voicemail picks up. I hear her calm, bell-like voice tell me she is unable to answer the phone. I don't bother leaving a message, so I hang up and dial Nessie's cell number. The same thing with her.

I hung up angrily before dialing the Cullen's home phone. It rang only once before the phone was answered. It was Emmett.

"Hey, Charlie! Alice said you'd call," his voice is loud and happy.

I reminded myself not to ask how Alice knew I'd call. It's not a need to know. "Yeah, well, uh, is Bella or Nessie there?"

"Oh, yeah they are, but they're busy right now. They'll call you back later," Emmett said.

I remembered the time when Bella was sick and how the Cullens all lied to me. My anger began to rise up. "Are they okay?"

It may not have seemed like Emmett hesitated - since he replied nearly right away. But a cop knows those sorts of things. "They're great! They went away this weekend and so they only just returned like an hour ago. They're unpacking, you see." I noticed Emmett was stalling.

"Hmph," I say, obviously unconvinced.

"They'll call you back soon, Chief. I'll see you around," Emmett hung up before I could ask any more questions.

I stood there with the phone still pressed to my ear. I was being lied to. Again.

"Who was that you were talking to?" Sue asked me. She set a big bowl of chili in front of my seat. The smell is calling to me so I hang up the phone and sit back down. I would decide what to do after dinner.

I picked up my spoon and was about to dig in when Seth came barreling through the front door.

"Oh, sweet. Food," he strode to the stove and scooped chili into a bowl. He sat down at the kitchen table in between Sue and me. I was used to Seth showing up for his mother's cooking every once and a while. "Good timing, huh?" Seth says and grins at me.

"Hey, sweetie. We haven't seen you in a while," Sue commented.

But Seth was already too involved in his food as he practically inhaled it all in one breath. I was unable to tear my eyes away from him as he gulped down his food. He was done before I got one spoonful in my system. He sighed happily and leaned back in his chair.

"How've you been, mom?" he turned to Sue. Sue smiled and touched his cheek briefly.

They talked for a while; I worked on finishing this delicious chili. As I was finishing up with my dinner I caught Seth speaking about Jacob. I decided to pay attention; because if anyone knew what was going on in that house, it would be Jacob who spent pretty much all his time there.

"Yeah, Jake hasn't really been playing much lately either. You know, with Bella and Nessie and all," Seth shrugged as if we knew exactly what he meant.

I dropped my spoon and both Seth and Sue looked up at me. Seth nods gravely. I was shaking with the same anger I felt when I was being lied to about the well-being of my daughter and I couldn't' find my voice. If Bella wasn't okay...

"How are they doing?" Sue asked for me.

"Horribly, from what I can tell. I haven't actually seen them. Jake's been pretty strict about visiting the Cullens right now. I mean, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Edward would do that!" Seth catches my expression once he's done and his mouth drops into the shape of a small 'o'.

"What did he do?" I ask lowly. I knew it was 'cause of him! It's always him! Hurting my daughter!

"Shit, you haven't talked to Bella - no, you haven't," Seth stops short and smacks his hand to his forehead. "Damn! Jake warned me! I thought Bella would have told you by now! He's been gone for days already!"

I stood up quickly, knocking over the remaining contents of chili in Sue's bowl. "He left? He left Bella? Again!?" I exclaim in disbelief. I thought he had enough sense...he should have matured by now!

"Charlie, what are you going to do?" Sue asks cautiously. Seth looks a little pale. I eye my gun.

My hands twitch. I should grab it.

Seth jumps to his feet followed by Sue. "Ah, no Charlie. That gun is of no use. Edward isn't even there for you to point it at him," Seth says quickly. "Like it would scare him," I hear him mutter under his breath. I exhale angrily and begin to pace back and forth in agitation. I clench and unclench my fists in a rhythm that I can't seem to stop.

"Charlie, please. Just calm down," Sue stands worriedly at the door frame with Seth standing uneasily behind her.

"Calm down!" I scoff. "He promised me!"

There was silence as my voice rang through the small house.

"He promised a lot of people," Seth attempted to appease.

"He looked me in the eye and promised to love my daughter forever and not _leave her!_ I trusted him with the only thing that matters most to me! Ungrateful son of a bitch!" I boom. I look at Sue and Seth who are staring at me calmly. How can they be so calm?

"Well...could you maybe not mention to Jacob that you heard this from me and that -?"

But I quickly make the decision to go to the Cullen's before I can hear the rest of Seth's question.

"Charlie! I don't think you should - Go with him, Seth!" I hear Sue call out as I jump into my cruiser and slam the door. I start the car and boot it down the street toward the Cullen's. I shuddered as I noticed a big gigantic wolf run beside my car through the woods. But, I'm not going to worry about that. It's out of my mind and of no concern to me. My destination is that house; where my daughter is suffering.

Once I reach the long, narrow, twisted lane to their house, I don't even slow down my car. I speed up, in fact. As I reach the top of the drive I pull up quickly and storm out of the car and stride to the house. I'm concentrating on my feet and trying to decide how I'll handle the situation once I get there.

"Hi, dad," I look up to see Bella waiting for me on the porch. She's sitting there. She's paler than normal. Her eyes are unfocused and glazed. It looks as if she's barely able to make herself sit up. Her expression is identical to the one she had all those years ago. She's a zombie again. Except this time, somehow, it's worse. I can tell.

Seth is standing by my side and I only realize this when he places a hand on my shoulder. It's just Bella out here, alone. Waiting. I'd like to think she was waiting for me, her father. But I knew better. She was waiting for him to come home.

"Bells," I choke out. It hurts me to watch my daughter go through this again. She tries to smile but it only looks like a grimace.

"Don't worry about me," her voice is so quiet. It's not so...bell-like like it always is. It's sad and dead. She's lifeless.

Suddenly the front door is thrown open and I see Jacob, tall, broad and menacing. He's glaring at the person next to me. His arms are crossed and he takes only two steps, so he's now on the edge of the porch.

"Seth," he nearly growls.

"It slipped out!" Seth defends.

Jacob inhales sharply, he opens his mouth and he's about to continue his lecture before Bella stops him.

"It's okay, Jake. Really," I can barely hear Bella, myself. I wonder how her small voice could stop Jacob from snapping at Seth; Jacob obeys her.

I feel incredibly grateful for Jake. He has been so good for my daughter and he's there for her through thick and thin. Why couldn't she have chosen Jacob instead of _him_? Jacob would have stuck by her side like he did now. Even if he is a...werewolf, he's still a better man then that bastard she married. Unfortunately, it seemed that Jake had gotten over his little crush for Bells. But, maybe, this time she would see how much better Jacob is for her.

I hear the front door open and I see Nessie hesitantly walk out onto the porch and stand closely beside Jake.

"Hi, grandpa. Sorry we didn't call you sooner," she says quietly. Jacob's tense shoulders relax considerably once Nessie is beside him. He must not want her to see his anger and frustration. Hell, I don't want her to see mine either.

I sigh in semi-defeat. My anger has faded with Nessie's apology. "Its okay, Nessie. I was just worried." Nessie jumps down the steps and lands gracefully on the ground. She skips to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I hug her back, so happy that Nessie seems to be alright. "Are you okay, kid?"

Nessie pulls away and shrugs. She glances at her broken mother. Bella is staring off deep into the forest.

"Bells?" She doesn't seem to hear me.

Nessie sits down on the step below Bella and places her hand on her mom's knee. "Mom?" Bella looks down at Nessie and then quickly looks up at me. She looks apologetic.

"I'm not...good," Bella says slowly. I don't know who she's talking to – poor Bella was so out of it. She doesn't have to make excuses, but she does.

Nessie nods and rubs her mom's back. "Sorry, grandpa. She's -" Bella looks back out at the forest, "not handling this very well." I see an emotion quickly pass over Nessie's features and she looks just as sad as her mom. My heart sinks lower as I stare at my daughter and grand-daughter feeling the anger for Edward's absence increase.

"Ness..." I look up to see Jacob staring worriedly at Nessie.

Nessie shakes her head stubbornly. "I'm okay."

Jacob looks like he doesn't believe her; he continues to watch her carefully. Something sort of clicks inside and I eye Jacob suspiciously before I remember my anger toward Edward when I hear Bella let out a small whimper. I can't stand being around her when she's like this, it breaks my heart.

"I'd like to speak to Carlisle," I say quickly.

Nessie and Jacob look at me, frowning. "I don't know about that, Charlie," Jacob says. "They're all not too happy right now," he pointed his thumb over his shoulder toward the front door.

I wave a hand at him, dismissing his warning. I march up the stairs and push past Jacob, determined. I hear Nessie tell Jake to leave me be and I enter the house. Emmett is on the couch, watching TV.

"Carlisle's up in his study," he says, not pulling his gaze from the television. I nod and go up the stairs. It's so silent in this house that my foot steps are loud and they make me wince with every heavy step I take. I get to the first landing and look around, unsure of where Carlisle's office is. My question is answered when I see Carlisle emerge from a room.

"In here, Charlie," he motions for me to follow him. He is silent and I am loud. I thunder into the office and close the door behind me. Carlisle is already sitting at his desk and observing me in a way that makes me feel somehow insignificant.

Standing in the middle of Carlisle's office and staring at the tall, blond, pale man was slightly intimidating. I couldn't find my voice, but I forced myself to say what I came here to say.

"You're son -!" I splutter.

Carlisle nods. "Yes."

I'm a bit thrown by his response; it's as if he already knows what I'm about to say and understands my reasoning. It's also as if he doesn't want to hear it and interrupts me with his answer as a sort of 'go away, I get it, you hate Edward, say no more.'

"He left her, _again!_ He promised me - not to mention the promises he made to Bella!" I begin to pace back and forth in front of Carlisle's desk.

"Yes."

I snort. He is so_ calm_. How can he be? "And you know what? It's not just Bella he's leaving anymore. He left his own daughter - his own flesh and _blood_! Could he not find it in himself to stay for Nessie? How could you not? What, did he just get bored with Bells and then thought - 'hey, I'm sure there's more interesting women out there! I'll just abandon my daughter and wife so I can try something new!' Huh? Is that what's going on through his dim-witted head?" I raved. My arms were flailing; my face was most likely turning an embarrassing shade of purple. I needed to regain a level head. I was breathing in heavily, so I closed my eyes in an attempt to try to calm myself down.

I hear Carlisle sigh. "I assure you, Edward loves Bella and Nessie very much."

I laugh humorlessly. "Oh, really? Where's the proof in that when he's gone up and left? The son-of-a-bitch!" I shout at the ceiling. I stop my pacing and inhale through my nose trying to gain control of my anger.

"If it makes you feel any better, Edward has left behind several other angry family members..."

"No, that does not make me feel better! Unless one of them is Emmett, because I can see Emmett being able to physically knock some sense into that stupid boy!"

"Emmett is unhappy, that's true."

I felt a little better with that. Emmett was big. He could beat up that scrawny Edward, no problem. Edward deserved that and a lot more if you ask me.

"Why can't he just... just grow up?! You know? What's _wrong_ with him?" I wheel on Carlisle and glare at him as if it's his fault Edward left.

The expression that was etched onto Carlisle's face because of my words left me staggered. "I don't know," he said softly. The sadness that was so clear on his handsome features made me feel guilty...because...I _forgot_.

I forgot that Carlisle was also a father. He was also a grandfather. He had to live with Nessie and Bella and Emmett and his wife, Esme; all of whom just wanted the same answers I was throwing at Carlisle. He had no idea, and in a brief instant he looked just as broken as Nessie and Bella. I swallowed slowly.

"I-I'm sorry, Carlisle. I'll...go. Thank you for your time," I turned before Carlisle could say no more and raced out of his office as fast as I could, feeling uncomfortable with the awkward silence after Carlisle's confession of his lack-of knowledge on the subject of his missing son.

I headed down the stairs to see Esme waiting by the open front door. "Goodbye, Charlie. Come back whenever you want." I saw the same broken expression and I looked away with a nod of acknowledgement to her. I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with everyone's sadness. I headed down the porch steps and past Bella and Nessie and Jacob who hadn't moved much.

"I'm sorry, grandpa," I hear Nessie say. I turn to see her sitting beside her mom. Nessie has her hand on Bella's shoulder and Jacob is sitting very close to Nessie. "I'll call more often, I promise. I'll visit you in a few days."

I have to look away from her. It's all too much. I glance briefly at Bella and it tears at me inside; all of their pain is _too much_.

"Yeah, well. Uh, that's fine, Nessie. I'll talk to you later. Bye, Bells." I hold up a hand for farewell and quickly jump into my cruiser. I can't get away from this house any faster.

I pressed my foot on the pedal and I was flying down the open highway at such a speed, that if I were on duty and caught myself, I would be taken back to the station in the back seat of this very cruiser.

But I didn't care. I had to get away from all that pain.

And the anger that came with it.

**R/R!**


	5. He Retells, Relates and Reflects

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update. I've actually had this chapter finished since Christmas. And for a week I was under the impression that I had already sent it to my beta, only to find out a few days ago that I HADN'T. Eek. Oh well, here it is, now. I hope you all enjoy it and I'll have chapter 6 up by friday. That's my goal. Unfortunately, updates might be even further between after that because I have exams and projects galore for the next few weeks. But by february everything should be back to normal. I hope you are enjoying my story and I hope you all stick around for what's to come with it. I'm really excited.**

**This is my beta's favourite chapter so far. Thank you, beta!**

* * *

**No Beginning, No End**

_She wanted to run to him – to skip, giggling into his arms – but she savored the way he was looking at her. She could drown in the intensity of his gaze. And she had learned a little about seduction in the last few weeks they had been together. She had learned that it was sweeter if she made him wait.  
- Revelations, a Blue Bloods novel by Melissa de la Cruz (pg. 75)_

Chapter 5: He Retells, Relates and Reflects

I picked up the soggy tree branch and tossed it easily toward the roaring ocean. The waves were rapid and wild as they crashed against the beach and collided with rocks. The tree branch soared through the air at quite an impressive speed as I heard the whooshing noise it made. It landed with a resounding plop in the ocean and I smiled faintly.

"That was pretty far," admitted Quil. "I can throw further, I bet."

I snorted. "Let's see it then."

Quil was silent as he thought over the challenge. "Nah, never mind." He seemed to sink further into the sandy beach as he lay down completely. It was wet and a dark brown colour because of the mass amounts of rain we had received in the past few days. Quil didn't seem to notice its dampness.

Seeing that there was nothing else to do, I collapsed into a heap on the beach beside Quil.

"I miss Claire," he complained loudly. It was a mantra he had repeated often in the past three hours. "She's all the way in stupid California."

"California is far," I agreed.

"Shut up," he said shortly. "You don't understand. Because, where's Nessie? Oh, about a two minute run from here." Quil was cranky when he didn't have Claire around. Plus the fact that she was in a different state didn't help his nerves.

"She may be here physically," I contradict. "But it's like she's a million miles away. I swear, if I ever see Edward again, I'm going to kill him. We haven't slept together in weeks!" I catch Quil's suspicious expression. "I only meant that she has been _sleeping_ with Bella. You know – the whole eyes closed, pleasant dreams, snoring business."

"_You're _the one who snores, Jake."

"Sure, sure. I miss Nessie. We haven't been alone together since Edward left. And I feel so helpless. No matter what I try I can't get Nessie happy or even Bella. It's annoying!"

I brooded silently about the events that had occurred over the past week. I hated how things were right now. I wanted everything to go back to how it was.

I hear Embry make his way down to us at the beach. I can tell it's Embry by just the way he walks. His footfalls are burned into my mind and I can tell who is coming toward me without ever looking up to see who it is. That goes with everyone in my life. My pack. The Cullens. Nessie.

"God, can you two talk about anything but you're stupid women. Oh, I'm sorry, Quil. Your _child_. Hey, you didn't have to throw that at me!" Embry falls down beside me, further away from Quil. "Can we just spend one day without talking about your imprints. Have a guy's day."

"You don't under –"

"Understand," he finishes for us. "I know, I know. You don't have to remind me every chance you get that I'm alone." Embry laughs. He doesn't seem to mind his single life. "Let's talk about something else, okay? How's your family, Jake?"

"Bella still can barely get out of bed. She only gets up when we tell her Charlie's coming. She tries really hard to show her dad that she's alright. But she's so clearly not –"

"I meant _your _fam, Jake. Not the Cullens."

I'm confused by what he says. "The Cullens _are_ my family," I shake my head at Embry's stupidity.

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. How about I tell you about my date last night? I'm happy to report that it ended this morning," he waggles his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

We both stare at Embry blankly.

"Can't you even pretend to be impressed by my conquests?"

"Conquests," Quil says flatly not even bothering to give in his true thoughts on the subject.

"I'm sorry I haven't been tied down to the same girl since I was sixteen. Freaks," he mutters lastly under his breath.

"Says the werewolf," Quil smiles finally after days of pouting.

"Yeah, well. I like my life," Embry defends himself.

The silence that follows is welcome as I think about Nessie...

I knew she always had a nice relationship with her father. I get that. Edward's her dad. And over the years I had grown to respect and even like him. He was the father of my imprint and we had made nice, seeing as how our future relation was inevitable. I had some good friend-like moments with Edward. It was pleasant. We were family. I never ever thought he would leave his wife and daughter. It was shocking that he had done so. I got the impression that he never _could _leave them.

But, I guess he could, I think bitterly.

He left behind the two most important people in my life broken, shattered, and almost unfixable. I didn't see Bella ever getting over this. Maybe the first time he left she could have lived a normal life, but her pain seemed much more intense now that she was a vampire. She was gone. She wasn't even Bella anymore. It was hard to watch her. I constantly kept thinking of how_ I_ would be if Nessie left me. And I couldn't think of that kind of life. It was painful to even _think _of.

Now, Nessie was a whole other story. She tried really hard to have a strong, silent exterior when she was around her family. But she was suffering painfully inside. I remember the day I found out Edward left Nessie and Bella again...

I had just gotten home from patrolling with Seth. It was about six hours after I dropped Nessie off at the Cullens for the night. I had to pop in and see my dad before I headed over to Nessie's bedroom for the night. I couldn't wait, so I rushed into the small house I still shared with my father (although, I was hardly ever home, my room was still intact.)

"Hey, dad, how's it going?" I strode into the house, ducking slightly through the door.

"Jake, Carlisle's called twice. Can you give him a call?" My dad says from his position in the living room. The moment I hear this I rush to the phone, my heart pounding, worrying endlessly if Nessie was alright. But, how could she not be? I watched her enter the house. What could possibly have happened from the moment I left her until now? She couldn't possibly get hurt or anything in a house full of vampires. I rethought that over, thinking that was ironic.

Carlisle picked up the phone on the first ring. "Carlisle, is Nessie okay?" I burst out firstly. I think I saw my dad smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"No, Jacob. But I'd like you to calm down and let me explain. She's okay physically. But – Edward left."

I had to restart my heart after Carlisle said she wasn't alright. But I waited a few minutes for his words to process.

"Edward left?"

"Yes, and I need you to come here quickly. Nessie has barricaded herself and Bella in the cottage and refuses to let anyone else in."

I hung up the phone. I turned to the door and yelled my apologies out to my dad as I darted into the woods, transforming into a wolf at my regular spot, which was well covered with branches and leaves that no one on the outside could even see me due to its denseness.

I break out of the trees once I'm in the meadow that occupies the Cullens house. I trot a little bit more and I'm greeted by the whole family waiting at the edge of the wood that would lead them to the cottage. I morph back into human form and look worriedly at them.

"He left?!" I boomed. I forgot all about Edward's absence until I saw all of their faces.

"She won't let us in, Jacob," Esme says in distress. She edges toward me and grabs onto my arm desperately in a motherly manner. "Please, we only want to help them. Bella didn't look well at all when Nessie took her. We think only you can get Nessie to open up."

I stride past them and into the wood, ready to take charge. I see the cottage through the trees and reach it, with the Cullens all closely behind me.

I knock roughly on the door. "Nessie, open up!" My voice is loud and harsh when I don't mean it to be. I just need to _see_ that she is okay and then I can deal with this in a calm manner.

"Go away!" I hear her call from inside.

"Is that how he's helping the situation? Like, we hadn't already tried that," I hear Blondie grumble behind me.

I grunt at her words and knock a little more lightly this time. "Ness, come on, please. Don't be like this."

"Go. Away. I'll be how ever I like," her words sound muffled and I can just picture her speaking into a pillow.

I turn to the Cullens. "Why don't we just break down the door?" I asked questioning their intelligence. I'll do it right now if they don't feel like it.

"That's not very polite. They have a right to privacy –"Esme starts.

"What's wrong with you vampires?" I snap, frustrated. Honestly. They were freaking _vampires_ and they were concerned about what was and wasn't polite? For crying out loud!

"We have manners," Emmett grumbles. He obviously doesn't agree with standing by and letting Nessie lock herself into the house. I'm sure he greatly wanted to aid me in tearing down the house, which I felt like doing at the moment.

I turn back to the door. "Nessie!" I shout.

"What a prince _charming_," Rosalie sneers. I grit my teeth. I'm not in the mood for her sarcasm tonight.

I stalk away from them and round the corner of the house. I reach Bella and Edward's bedroom window and tap on it lightly. I see Nessie pull half her body off the bed and sees me at the window. Her face breaks my heart. Her eyes are red and puffy. Tears are a constant river down her cheeks and she sobs miserably. She brushes away her tears quickly and scowls at me. The bedroom is dark and I see Bella curled up tightly beside Nessie.

"Ness, please," I whisper, not wanting the Cullens to hear me. She slowly pulls herself off the bed and shuffles toward the window. But she doesn't open it.

God, I want her to open it. I need to hold her and tell her its okay. I can't stand her being like this. It physically hurts me.

She touches the window and presses her palm flat against the pane. I place my hand right where her hand is on my side of the window. I know her hand well and how small it is compared to mine. It's like the size of my palm only. She sighs and pulls her hand away. She unlocks the window and pulls it up. I'm just the right size to squeeze through the window. It is a struggle at certain parts. But soon I'm standing to my full height in the middle of her parents bedroom.

I stare down at her. An overwhelming need and want to touch her overcomes my every thought, but I refrain as she makes no move that shows she wants me to hold her. She stares at my chest with no emotion. I think she doesn't want to put the effort into craning her neck to see my face. I get that. The height difference can be irritating at times.

"Why did he leave?" she asks quietly. The pain in her voice makes me want to hold onto her tighter than ever. But I glue my arms to my side.

"Beats me," I say just as quietly. I don't think she wants the family to hear. But I also hear them venture away. I think they feel better about me being in here with them. I glance at Bella and am reminded of her horrid state when he left the first time. I am brought back to reality when Nessie speaks again:

"I can't believe it. Every time I heard of when my dad left my mom last time, he looked so remorseful of it. It's a painful memory for him. And yet..." she looks up and her eyes are bright and hopeful. "I think there's more to it. I think he has a secret agenda and he plans on returning as soon as he can. That's it! My dad would _never _leave. He wouldn't..." She trails off as she catches my face looking doubtful. "What?" she asks.

"Nothing, ignore me," I shake my head quickly. In my opinion, I think the reason for his abandonment is because it's part of Edward's personality. He's an abandoner. He leaves._ I, _on the other hand_,_ would never leave Nessie; even if it would be the death of me if I stayed. I would.

Luckily, Nessie is a smart girl. She wants to live with her wishful thinking. They're safe thoughts and make her feel better. So she doesn't beg me to tell her what I'm truly thinking. I would tell her though, if she really asked.

I didn't want to tell her how I really felt about her dad. That would just lead to an unnecessary fight that I don't want. So I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to -

Nessie started to cry; she sank into my chest. I easily wrapped my arms around her and held her as she cried and cried while Bella was in her own miserable world...

"Ugh, you guys are _so_ pathetic," Embry wakes me from my reflecting and I see him get up and walk away from us down the beach.

"Where you going?" Quil asks.

"I'm getting away from you sad, psycho, imprinted, pussies," he calls over his shoulder. Quil and I don't complain and let him wander off muttering about us.

Thinking about Nessie really makes me want to see her. It also came with an idea.

I was going to force her away from her darkly, dreaming mother and make her spend one-on-one time with me. I was sick of it being me and Bella and Nessie. This wasn't a three-way relationship...I shuddered at the thought.

I get up and leave Quil who lets me walk away without question. I'm sure he knows exactly where I'm going as I set off down the beach in the opposite direction Embry went. I jog toward the forest where I morph and race through the trees to the cottage. I'm human once again as I walk through the cottage front door.

"Hello?" I call out loudly. I walk into the bedroom to see Bella stroking Nessie's sleeping face methodically.

"She's asleep," Bella comments.

I nod, staring at Nessie's beautiful and peaceful state. I crawl onto the other side of Nessie and snake my arm under her body, pulling her away from Bella and to my chest. I kiss her temple and cuddle her tightly.

I stare at her for a long while before finally remembering Bella was there and seemingly aware of the world after days of being out of it. I look up to see her staring at Nessie.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I say nodding to my tight hold on Nessie.

"It's okay," she says quietly. "I get it. I'd be doing the same –" If Edward were here, she wanted to finish. I touch Bella's cheek briefly and she looks into my eyes.

"I'm so glad you're here Jake. Again," she says. I couldn't handle hearing her talk. I really wanted her to stay silent; to be in her own world. I know that was horrible, since it was great progress that she was speaking at all. But, this was too much too soon. It was making me depressed as she struggled to grasp onto a form of conversation with me.

I nod and rub Nessie's hip. I watch Bella carefully as she seems to think of how to word something else.

"What if I chose you?" she finally seems to spit out. My eyes widen and I nearly choke on my own spit at her words.

"I-If you did, Bells. There would be no Nessie," I say quickly. I hate the thought of a world with no Nessie.

I can't even imagine a life of me and Bella anymore; I don't know how she can because I know she still loves Edward desperately. Maybe, this whole situation was just rising up old memories, ones that she'd forgotten since becoming a vampire. I mean, I thought she forgot completely about being in love with me all those years ago. I guess not.

"This is all so familiar," she shakes her head and falls back, her head sinks deep into the pillow. "I want it to stop, Jake. It needs to go away so I can go on. For Nessie. I _have_ to for her," Bella begins to cry. I try to shush her because I really don't want Nessie to wake up right now. She hasn't been sleeping well at all lately and she seems to finally be in a deep sleep.

But Bella can't stop crying. I reach over and grab her hand and Nessie is nestled tightly to my chest. Nessie's breathing is even as she, thankfully, continues to sleep. Bella is gasping and sobbing. I'm mortified by the situation I'm in. It's all so surreal. It's like déjà vu and a dream mixed together.

I hate Edward more than I ever have in that moment. How could he do this to the two of them?

But, I realize that how isn't the main question.

It's _why_.

**R/R!**


	6. He Wonders Why

**AN: I put this chapter up sooner because I was having a bad day and I figured reviews can make me feel better, no? I'm about half way through chapter 7 and hope to finish it soon so I can get it out to you lovely people. I'm actually really excited to write chapter eight because it will be from Jared's point of view and if you read my story _How a Resurrection Really Feels_ you must understand how much I thoroughly enjoy writing his character.**

**Now, a lot of people have been worried about Edward and what's to come and how I've put him out of character and how I mentioned that it's in his nature to abandon people. Let me just say, I have a plan. Whether or not everyone agrees with how I've done it doesn't matter. Edward's story will be told, just hold on. I won't say which chapter will be the beginning of his story because I want it to be a surprise but I will say to be patient. I've planned out this story to pretty much the end (If not the storyline's end). I hope this brings some reassurance to all of you worried readers. I will do my best to make this story as good as it can be. I probably won't be able to please everyone, but I will be aiming to please _me._**

**Thank you for the reviews they are all read and I will start to reply to the people who ask questions. :D**

**P.S. Yes my quote doesn't make too much sense with this chapter, but I saw some relation to it and I liked the quote.  
**

**Again, thank you to my beta.**

* * *

**No Beginning, No End**

_Phoned Jas.  
"Jas."  
"What?"  
"It's me."  
"Oh well, this is me, too."  
"Jas, don't start."  
"I'm not."  
"Well, don't."  
"Well, I won't."  
"Good."  
And I put the phone down. That will teach her.  
- Love is a Many Trousered Thing by Louise Rennison (pg. 31)_

Chapter 6: He Wondered Why

I can't help staring at Rosalie's ass as she leans over the car and tinkers with the engine. I sit on top of a work table pressed against the garage door and admire at the beauty who is my wife. It's the only thing that keeps my thoughts away from Nessie, Edward and Bella. Concentrating on Rosalie. It works for a while and it's quite a pleasant way to spend my time.

I hear Rose sigh in frustration as she stands up straight and heads to the tool box sitting open beside me. She pulls out a tool and proceeds back to her car.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed by how much I want her right now. I hop off the table and press myself up to her bottom. I grip her hips roughly and pull her closer to me.

"Emmett," she laughs. "Stop. I'm working."

"Mmm," I groan and lean over her bent body and push back her hair so that I can kiss her neck. I reach over and pull the tool from her hand and toss it over my shoulder where it clangs loudly and I hear a crash. I don't care what I broke.

She stands up and turns to see what I broke but I stop her by kissing her roughly. I'm disappointed that Rosalie isn't really responding to my kiss, it seems half-hearted. She pulls away, smiles slightly and then turns back to her car.

"Seriously? Are you finally bored of me after all these years?" I ask, stepping back from her and the car, toward the garage door.

"Don't be silly," she responds. I let out a moan and lean against the door, watching her as she rounds the car and opens up the passenger door. She starts the car and the engine purrs perfectly.

"Nice," I comment on the sound she wanted her car to make when it was started. She really knew her way around a car engine, that's for sure.

She nods with accomplishment. I hear someone approach the garage door and am not surprised to see Esme walk in and look at us. She really hasn't been doing well, she tries to keep it together but we have all heard her cry quietly every so often. It's worse for her this time around because she's been focusing all her energy on making Bella and Nessie feel better, as opposed to the last time when she wasn't around Bella to experience the intensity of her pain. Jacob says Bella is worse this time, but it was no picnic the first time either.

"Rosalie," Esme begins. "Bella is alone right now. Alice dragged Nessie out of the cottage for the day so she can have some space and time to gain a clear head. Do you mind -?"

"No, I'll be there soon," Rose gives Esme a smile. Esme nods and leaves the room and Rosalie's features immediately turn into a grimace.

"Fucking asshole." I know right away she is speaking of Edward. I begin to fiddle around with a screw driver on the work table. "I bet this is his own version of finding new ways to be a romantic hero," she spits out.

"I don't think it's that –"

"You know, I'm just tired of going to Bella and telling her everything is alright. It's ridiculous. I hate that she's so...devastated by his absence." I find this an odd thing to say considering.

"They're married and have a child together," I say.

"Well, that obviously means nothing to Edward so why should it to her?" she snaps. Her face relaxes slightly and she suddenly becomes very...sentimental. "I really hate seeing her like this. She's my...sister. And what's worse is she keeps muttering memories of her and Edward over and over and I don't think she even realizes she's doing so. Yesterday, she said, 'Maybe if I wait for him in the meadow he'll see how much I love him.' That was so _sad_, in an almost pathetic kind of way. I mean, she can barely get out of bed let alone make it all the way to that stupid meadow."

I nod along in agreement. Poor Bella. Edward really did a number on that girl. Saving her life, getting her pregnant, taking her to that meadow...

I suddenly remembered happening upon that meadow years ago. It was when we first came to this area in nineteen thirty six. Edward and I had just finished snacking on a couple of doe and began to wander the vicinity a little more. We had been careful to avoid the Quileute's land and had been successful at not harming a single human since we had arrived. Yay, us.

We were racing through the dense trees. It was hard to see anything but green while running due to the wood being so thick.

I saw a light up ahead through the trees; it had been so long since I was able to see any sunlight so I darted toward it, begging for a change of scenery. So, I raced Edward, unbeknownst to him. I broke through the trees and came into a clearing. I laughed in Edward's face at my victory.

"Ha! I beat you!" I sang gleefully.

He didn't seem to hear me as he looked around the small meadow with a strange look across his face.

"Hey...I beat you," I repeat, waiting for the reaction I wanted from him. I wanted him to demand a rematch. But, he wasn't paying any attention to me.

"This is beautiful," he muttered. I looked around not really seeing anything remarkable about the meadow.

"Sure, it's _magical_," I say with mirth. Edward nods. I try not to laugh at the fact that he agrees with my sarcastic statement. "Yeah-huh, let's go."

"You can go without me, I think I want to stay a bit," he waves me off. I can't help but feel a bit put-off by his eagerness to be rid of me.

"Fine, whatever. Play alone in your little meadow," I say sourly. I can't help but be a bit embarrassed at how immature I am as I turn and leave him alone in the meadow, pissed off and let down...

I look around to see that Rose has left me alone in the garage. I can't recall watching her leave at all. The light is off and I'm in the dark. Of course, I can see everything just as clearly, it's the fact that she turned off the light when she left me that makes me a bit upset. I grumble as I leave the garage and walk down the long hall toward the living room where I can see Esme sewing something onto a dress. I don't even bother to ask what she's doing. But she tells me anyway.

"Nessie snagged her dress on something a few weeks back. I decided now was a good a time as any to mend it. Look what that girl did," she holds out the dress where I can see a defined tear. "She can be so careless sometimes," Esme shakes her head fondly staring at the dress. "I think you should take Nessie out for a fun day tomorrow. That girl needs to get out and have a good time and who better to make that day happen then her big uncle Emmett? I mean, of course Alice _tries _to make today fun for her, but we both know Nessie is just like her mother: she hates to shop. Poor, Alice, she only wants to see her smile. Not that she won't get some form of a smile from Nessie today; it's just that with you she'll most likely laugh. You two share the same sort of sense of humor. I think it's a wonderful idea, personally. What do you say?"

I ignore her proposal and leave out the back and walk slowly toward the trees. I hear her call after me but I continue onward toward my destination.

Because, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the need to return to that meadow. I knew it became a sort of sanctuary for Edward over the years, so out of respect I hadn't gone back to it since we stumbled upon it all those years ago.

But, I feel a bit guilty for not responding to Esme. So, I put it at the back of my mind to come up with something to do with Nessie tomorrow. And I'm more than committed to making that fun day for Nessie come true tomorrow, only right now I have put myself on a mission. And who am I to pass up the opportunity of a mission?

I race through the trees and try to repeat the steps I made to get myself to the meadow all those years ago. I knew the general direction that it was in, with perfect recollection that us vampires had, it was almost too easy to find again. I slowed down to a nice walk as I saw the break through the trees up ahead. It was almost identical to when we had first found it. Once I walked through the trees and into the meadow, it was completely obvious that someone had often used this clearing.

The tall grass was flat in some places and even though the rain washed away most of his scent, I could still faintly smell Edward. Lord knows how many times he had been here. I looked at a tree in particular that looked as if a branch had been completely torn off and I looked a ways away to see it crumpled not too far away. It had depleted from its original state quite a bit, but it was still distinctly part of the broken tree.

I felt the need to return the branch back to its home: the ripped apart tree. I walked over and held its many pieces into my open arms and walked them over to the tree where I let them go at the roots. I looked down at the slivers that the branch used to be. I brought my gaze up at the tree and the oddest thing was there.

Pinned to the tree was a white sheet of paper. It was so obviously out of place that I wondered how I had missed it before. I yanked it off and opened it, as it was folded in half. And there on the paper was Edward's neat and distinct handwriting:

_While you protect mine_

The implication of his words were obvious and the familiar anger toward Edward resurfaced after I had kept it down for the past couple weeks.

This letter was so obviously directed to me. I don't know how I knew this to be true; I just did. And along with this knowledge came about a million questions.

While I protect his family? Is that what helped him to sleep at night, figuratively? The fact that _I _was here to make things alright? As long as I devoted my time to making sure nothing of harm came to Nessie or Bella, it was alright that Edward left?

What sort of battle was won in Edward's mind as he left his family and me this note?

"_It's okay that I left the wife and kiddie, Emmett's here! He'll protect them!"_

As if I hadn't already committed myself to doing so in the first place!

But what could I possibly protect them from? There was no threat...or was there?

I gritted my teeth in fury, and the best solution I could find at the moment was to punch the tree I had just taken precious care to return its remains. As soon as my fist collided with the bark, a resounding snap and crack echoed throughout the forest. I tore it apart limb for limb imagining it was Edward. But once I had completed my task I felt guilty for imagining such horrible thoughts.

I loved Edward, despite his many flaws. He was my brother. And along with that relation was Bella; she was my sister. And I had become damn protective over her and Nessie over the years. I was still confused as hell as to why Edward left, but after reading that note, it kind of seemed as if my questions had been answered.

He had some sort of plan brewing in that mind of his. He knew what he was doing and he left me this note almost as if to reassure me. As if he knew the direction my thoughts would take with his absence. It was a bit unnerving, but nevertheless, I was grateful that my brother knew me so well.

I pocketed the note and headed back home.

Getting closer to home, I heard Rosalie's voice distinctly. And along with it was Jacob's. She was giving the poor kid a hard time.

"Go away, mongrel! Bella doesn't want to see you today!" I heard a rough shove as my wife probably just pushed Jacob out the door of the small cottage.

"Just answer my question, Blondie, where the hell is Nessie?" Jacob boomed. I groaned as I raced over to the cottage to settle the fight before things turned into physical blows.

"Well, if she didn't tell you where she was then obviously she didn't want you to know. Can't you take a hint?" she shouted.

"Can't you let it go? Nessie is with me now. It's done. I love her and she loves me –"

"She's young," Rose countered.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I burst through the trees to see them staring each other down. "Let's not have this fight _again_. You both presented your points clearly to one another many times before. There's no need to continue with an endless fight. Let's just settle the argument with you two hating each other and go on with our lives, yes?" I tried.

Rose huffed and turned back into the cottage, closing the door firmly in Jacob's face. He scowled and turned to me.

"Can _you _tell me where Nessie is?" he asked, in exasperation.

"She's with Alice shopping."

He nods and rubs his forehead. He looks exhausted. You can't blame the guy; he spends all his time trying to make Bella and Nessie happy, his pack, not to mention the fact that he has a depleting father. Poor kid.

"I really _hate_ Edward. More than before when he was stealing Bella away from me. Now, I –" he trails off as he shakes with anger at the thought of Edward.

Since my revelation in the meadow, I felt like defending my brother after weeks of letting people harass his name.

I shrug, trying to be nonchalant. "Well, you know, I'm sure he has his reasons –"

"What?" Jacob snaps. "You were on my side with this subject only two days ago! Now you're on Team Edward?"

"No offense, pup. But I've always been on Team Edward," I say.

He snorts. "Yeah, right." He starts to head to the wood. "But why the change in heart?" he asks suddenly. He faces me again and looks so truly confused.

"He's my brother. I trust that what he has done is right."

Jacob's expression changes to fury. "It's _right_ that his daughter and wife are devastated?" He snaps.

I immediately start to retract what I had said as I can see his whole frame shake. The wolf is close. I was a bit surprised that Jacob had succumbed to allowing his wolf-anger to get the best of him. He'd been going at this for _years_ now, being a wolf I mean. He should be in better control. But I guess with his patience being short lately, his temper became so too.

"I'm not saying it's right, I'm only saying, I think he may have reasons."

"Honorable reasons?" he spits.

I hold up my hands in defense. "Go home, Jacob. Come see Nessie later," I say slowly. Jacob shakes for a couple more seconds, glaring profusely at me before turning sharply on his heels and storming off into the thick trees. I heard his heavy footfalls for only a little while longer before he morphed into a wolf and galloped off.

I started to think about Edward's note again: _while you protect mine_

Humph. No matter how many times I looked at it, I was still pissed off at Edward. He better have a damn good excuse for leaving. I mean it: a_ damn_ good excuse.

I heard the cottage front door open and looked to see Rosalie leaning against the door frame.

"You shouldn't have said all that with Bella so close," she said.

I balked. "Oh my God, did she hear?" Of course she heard, she's a vampire! I remind myself sharply.

"No, she was too out of it. Lucky for you. She wouldn't have responded well to that conversation," Rose sighed and took two long strides and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Every time I'm with her all I can think about is being close to you. Like, if _you _would leave me when my back is turned. I know you won't do that," she says quickly. "You're not a coward like Edward. But even still, it makes me think..."

I hold her tight and rub her back in a rhythm that makes my thoughts wander.

I loved Rosalie with my entire being and I had never witnessed a moment where Edward didn't feel exactly the same about Bella. This is why this predicament was so mind-boggling. Maybe he was in trouble and that note was a hint that I was to find him and help him. Save him, even.

I stiffened at the thought. Maybe Edward was kidnapped? Forced against his will to lie to his family... or in hiding from a horrible threat or he was in mortal peril –

Or maybe he was already dead.

"Emmett?"

Her voice is so far away as I go over every little thing that has happened over the past few weeks, looking for evidence that maybe he was dead. I didn't feel any across-the-world feeling that he _was _dead. But was my relationship with Edward that connected that I could _feel_ if he was dead or not? Maybe Bella did...But surely she would have said something!

Or not.

"Emmett? Are you okay?"

No, he wasn't dead. I couldn't think like that. Was he threatened by the Volturi or something?

Or maybe he just left because he didn't love them anymore?

That couldn't be possible. He was a vampire and frozen into a state where he couldn't _not_ love Bella. I shook my head.

Suddenly I felt my body being shaken. I looked down to see Rose staring at me sternly, her hands on my waists. She shook me roughly again.

"Okay, okay, I'm here! What's up?" I cried out loud, in an attempt to get her to stop shaking me.

"You scared me for a moment," she scolded. "Where were you? It was almost as if you were in the land of Bella, where nothing could reach you..."

Maybe thoughts of Edward's death were where Bella was right now. I felt worse for her, now. If that's what claimed her thoughts all the time then she was living a more horrible life right now then any of us thought possible. Because I _hated _thinking like that. I quickly promised myself that I never would think he was dead again.

I didn't want to mention that I was thinking about Edward to Rose. So I shook my head.

"Never mind. I was just thinking about you," I reached down and pinched her bottom. She squealed and leapt up slightly.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me full on the lips. "I'll see you later. I'm going to stay with Bella until Nessie comes home." She winked at me and ventured off into the house.

I needed Rosalie now. She would be the only thing to distract me from my horrible thoughts of Edward's demise wherever he was right now. I shook my head, begging for these horrors to go away.

I wish I knew the truth because then –

I froze as I listened carefully. I looked rapidly at my surrounding. I could have sworn I heard something.

I sniffed the air, but didn't smell anything abnormal.

I definitely heard something and what I heard was _not_ an animal. It was very much human-like...

A vampire?

No, Alice would have seen it!

Maybe I was just acting delusional. Because all I could think of is maybe it was Edward coming home.

But as I examined the area around me, I could find no evidence that it was.

I was going to have to face the fact that he was gone.

For now, at least.

**R/R!**


	7. He Lets Her Cry

**AN: Okay, it was pointed out by my beta that Edward needs to make an appearance and soon. Sigh, well I was going to write the next chapter from Jared's POV for all those who have read my story, _How a Resurrection Really Feels_. But I suppose I'll move the story forward and maybe have Jared the chapter afterward if people want it enough. I don't know exactly yet, but I'll be moving on a little faster after this chapter. **

**I have a lot going on right now and the only reason this chapter is out fast because my neighbourhood had a blackout and school was cancelled (YAY). But right now with work, school, exams, assessments, blackouts, babysitting, my birthday and LOTS of snow, I haven't had the time to write this. Hopefully sometimes later next week I'll have the next chapter done and up here on fanfiction. Thank you for your patience. Stay tuned.**

**Thanks to my Beta. **

* * *

Chapter 7: He Lets Her Cry

_There was a silence, in which he looked at her with a kind of terrible desperation, as though he wanted very much to speak, but could not find the words.  
- Ironside by Holly Black (pg.203)_

I stood in the middle of our dining room, after pushing the grand table that sat in the center of the room to the wall so that I'd have more space to observe the status of the area. I have been itching to renovate or restore _something_ and I had come to the realization that our dining room could be better. I was going to strip the walls and paint it, maybe a nice neutral colour...or wallpaper perhaps?

"Esme, what are you doing?" Carlisle was standing at the dining room's door frame, looking amused.

"I'm going to re-do the dining room." I move toward the wall and remove a painting that had been hanging in that exact spot since we moved in here.

Carlisle looks alarmed. "What's wrong with it? It's perfectly lovely." I placed the painting on the floor once Carlisle advanced toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned back against him. "You did a marvelous job with it the first time around."

I shake my head and he kisses my hair. "Something is...wrong. I have to fix it," I say, I turn my head so that I can see his face. His jaw is tight and he looks down at me, searching. We stand there for a while just looking at one another before he sighs and pulls away.

"Whatever you'd like, dear." He turns and smiles at me faintly before heading upstairs back to his office.

I decide to focus my entire attention onto the room at hand. What to do, what to do. I walk around the space and evaluate every crack and line that has now become apparent with our old painting job. I am quite ashamed that I had let these flaws slide. I walk to the table where my colour pallet is sitting. I browse through the book trying to decide on the new colours for the dining room. A sudden emotion hits me and I find that I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want to renovate this space because I'm reminded of what it means to me.

I take a few steps back and glance around. It is clear that this room needs work done, but I can't find it in myself to change the colour. I remember when I had decided on its appearance...No. I clearly remember Edward deciding the colour...

We had just moved into the house back in two-thousand and three. I had finished every room in this house; from Edward's to the bathrooms (that no one ever really used.) I chose the kitchen's paint specifically, but I had left the dining room bare, unable to come up with the _right_ colour for it.

I was very concerned with myself for leaving something unfinished, but I just couldn't find any true inspiration when it came to this room in particular. I had never stumbled across a project that I hadn't saw potential with it.

I remember standing where I was standing right now in the dining room back then. Edward had set up the placements of the furniture just how I asked him to. After he was done, he stood beside me.

"Can't come up with a colour," he mused, looking at the room with just as much of a searching look as I wore.

I held up the colour pallets (the very same book I still had today) and tried to imagine what the room would look like if it were green...purple....cream. But nothing felt right. So, Edward took the book out of my hand and flipped through the pages easily.

"How about blue?" he asked slowly, stopping on a page.

"No, not blue," I said quickly dismissing the thought. Of course I had seriously considered blue already.

Edward shook his head, amusement clear on his features. "What about this blue?" he pushed the book under my nose and I glanced at the shade of blue he was pointing out to me. I had to double take, as I gazed at the colour even more. It was more of blue-ish grey than anything and the book called it needlepoint navy. I looked up at Edward appreciatively.

"I love it," I said. Edward laughed slightly.

"I know."

...

"Nana?" I turned quickly, remembering that I was in the present. Standing behind me was Nessie glancing around the room in an anxious manner.

"Nessie," I gasped. "What can I do for you, sweetheart?" I take a few curious steps toward her and she stiffens at my close proximity.

It's a sharp pain to my heart. She has been so...unaffectionate lately, so unlike the old Nessie. Nessie hardly wants anyone to touch her let alone talk to her or be near her. It's absolutely horrible what this abandonment has done to her. I wish there was a way I could make her feel better, but I didn't see an obvious answer in plain sight. That made it more difficult to be around her when there was nothing I could do to stop her pain.

Nessie pauses, seeming unsure of what she was going to say and I show her that she has my full attention.

"My mom can't be in that cottage anymore," she announces. I nod, asking her to continue. "Can you help me move her out?"

I am shocked by this statement. "Move her where, Nessie?"

"Anywhere, but not there. She has to leave. It's...killing her. I can't watch her spend another night in that _bed_," Nessie looks as if she's about to burst into tears. Motherly instinct kicks in and all I want to do is grab her and hold on tight. I almost feel as if I _have_ to tell her everything will be alright even though, right now, I can't see that it ever will.

"Well," I begin, leaning against the wall. "How about we move her into your room?" I catch her expression and immediately regret saying those words as I realize what I exactly just said.

"No, that's just as bad. I mean – that was _his_ room, after all." The way Nessie refers to her father is heart breaking. I try not to dwell on it too much as I come up with a new plan.

"That's fine, what we'll do is this: we'll move Emmett and Rosalie into..." I paused watching her carefully. "Edward's old room –" Her face makes me regret ever saying his name. She seems to be holding onto something tightly in her mind as she seems to be begging herself not to cry. "And then you and your mom can have Emmett's and Rose's. How does that sound?"

Nessie closes her eyes and faces the wall. "That sounds good. I'll go get my mom."

"Do you need any help?"

"No! I got her," Nessie dashes out the door before I can ask any more questions. I move into the living room where Jasper is reading a book silently.

"Can you help me move Em and Rose?" I ask him hesitantly.

Jasper nods and puts down his book. He follows me up the stairs and we speedily – with the new help of Carlisle and Alice – switch Nessie's things with Em and Rose. By the time we're finished, Nessie is struggling with Bella through the front door.

I had to admit to my jealousy when Nessie allows Carlisle to help her with Bella.

"Where's Jacob, Nessie?" I asked, trying to remind her that I was also here for her. That's all I wanted: to help her.

"I sent him home," she replies shortly.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, concerned. That boy loves Nessie more than anything. I hate to see what it's doing to their relationship at the moment. There's so much stress for the two of them that Nessie's patience was obviously wearing thin when it came to Jacob.

I follow them as Carlisle takes full control and cradles Bella to his chest and takes her up the stairs with Nessie closely by his side holding tightly to her mother's hand. It's shocking how out of it Bella really is.

"Sure," Nessie hesitates and right from that one word I know that their relationship is bothering her greatly. Carlisle places Bella on Nessie's bed that is now occupying Emmett and Rosalie's old grand white room. "I don't know," Nessie lies down beside Bella. "I guess, I just can't deal with him right now," she sighs and looks up at Carlisle and I questioningly. "Have you ever had that?" she wonders hopefully.

I have to say no. I have never had enough of Carlisle. "Of course, dear. It happens to the best of us," I reply and Carlisle places his hand comfortingly on my waist.

Nessie gives us a doubtful look and her features become embarrassed at asking such a question.

"Never mind, we're good now. Thank you Papa for carrying her," Nessie focuses on Bella and avoids our worried eyes. Carlisle is practically pushing me out of the room as I had found myself unable to leave her when she so clearly needed someone at the moment. Someone who was conscious of the world. Oh, Nessie.

"Esme," Carlisle says firmly. He holds onto me tightly and takes me outside onto our front porch. If I could cry tears, I would be right now. I try to be silent so that Nessie won't hear me, but I find it difficult when my emotions are at an all time high at the moment. I bury my head into Carlisle's shoulder and bite my lower lip to keep myself from bursting. He caresses my hair and holds me just as tightly.

After a while, I pull away and he looks at me with concern.

"I'm fine," I manage to choke out. "I just need some time alone." He looks skeptical, so I show him a smile, that even I know, is weak. He nods slowly and kisses my forehead before he enters the house and leaves me alone on the porch.

I feel the need to get away. I have to collect my thoughts. I hate myself for being so fragile. I don't want Nessie to see me this way when she has enough to deal with right now. I quickly dart into the woods and away from my house and family. Once concealed by the trees, and far enough away that I don't think I'll be heard, I begin to cry.

This time, unlike all the other times before, I sob and let it all out: everything I've been holding inside since Edward left, I cry for. I fall to my knees and hold myself as I breathe raggedly. I'm thankful that nobody seems to be around to see me tear at the seams. I stay there in the forest attempting and failing to gain control of myself. I feel that I won't be able to stand up for a while, so I don't bother to try and prove myself wrong.

I am interrupted of my crying because I hear a noise. It was a rustling and I didn't smell any animals or humans in the vicinity so I was at a loss of what it could be. I look up and wonder what it is. It was far away, so I listen carefully to try and make out the cause for the sudden sound. I'm perfectly still as I test my surroundings but eventually find that I am alone and must have been hearing things.

I gasp and shakily get to my feet.

"Esme?"

I whip around to see Leah emerging from behind a tree, looking at me with worried eyes. What a sweet girl. She's so concerned for me, a vampire. It took her a while to gain confidence around us, but once she did it was easy to see what a lovely and charming girl she was.

"Hello, Leah," I manage to speak but unfortunately my voice catches a bit at her name.

Leah takes a few hesitant steps toward me. "Are you okay?" she asks tentatively.

"Oh, sure, dear. I only needed a moment to...compose myself," I smile at her, but she sees behind it.

"Edward?" she means it to be a question, but she's right and she knows it.

I nod and look away from her sincere expression.

"Nobody wants to say his name," she complains. "Every time I even _think_ it, Jacob freaks. He's been debating whether or not he can track him down so that Nessie will be back to normal."

"Yes well," I say quickly. "Edward will come home when he wants to. He _will_ want to. He just needs some time. Everything will be back to normal before you even know it. And as for Nessie, she is just taking care of her mother. The loss of her father is taking a toll on her just as much as anyone. She's being strong for Bella and Jacob should realize that and have some patience."

"Jacob is only concerned," Leah says a bit snippily. I immediately feel guilty for my words.

"I know that, he's trying so hard," I sigh. "Everyone's just a little short right now and it's no one's fault," I say pointedly. Leah frowns. "Nessie will turn around soon, I know it."

"I hope you're right. Jacob's thoughts on Nessie have been particularly annoying lately."

I smile. I can only imagine what Leah has to go through; reading an imprinter's thoughts can't be very welcome, especially when the wolf was having problems with his girlfriend.

"What are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking Leah?" I ask.

"Oh, isn't it obvious? I'm checking up on Nessie for Jake." She rolls her eyes and I smile knowingly.

"Nessie is fine, you can tell him," I stop as I catch her expression. "Does he want a _real_ report? You have to see her face-to-face, no?"

"Exactly," she grumbled. "Normally Seth would do it, but Seth's at Embry's meeting his new girlfriend or something. So, I'm here." She glances back at me and I try to convey that I'm okay through my expression. She backs away slowly. "Are you sure you're alright, Esme?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I say. She nods and turns to run back into the direction of our house.

I look around me and am finally able to admit that I'm okay. I try to gain enough sense of propriety and look myself over starting at my feet when I see a folded piece of paper that halts my once over. How could I have missed this? I guess I was so irrationally emotional that I was too distracted to notice lined paper in middle of the forest...

I pick it up and open it. I'm immediately overwhelmed with emotion once again. It's Edward's handwriting and it's a message to me, I can only assume.

_From the ghosts who cry_

I read it several time over, not really grasping its meaning. But I do know for sure that it's from Edward. I flip it over looking for any other clue of...anything, but come up short.

Was Edward leaving clues of some sort?

Clues for what reason?

I feel a lump in my throat and I begin to lose control again, I can feel it, bubbling up. I try to choke it down; I can't take anymore crying today. But, it's a miss.

Unlike earlier, the realization of being alone is mortifying. I unsteadily run back to the house seeking the comfort of my husband's arms. I could vaguely hear Leah speaking with Nessie upstairs but I bypass that and rush to Carlisle's study.

"Esme, what is it?" The note is in a furrowed ball in my tight fist. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him firmly. I burst into hysterical sobs and crumple against him weakly. "Oh," I hear him say softly. He strokes my hair and pulls me closer; all he does is hold me.

And right now, that's all I need.


	8. He Waits

Chapter 8: He Waits

"_I swear. I almost died back there on the ship, you know."  
He let her hand go, but he was staring at her, almost as if he meant to memorize her face. "I know," he said. "Every time you almost die, I almost die myself."  
- City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare (pg. 449)_

Alice is optimistic as always.

Her attention has been focused on finding Edward, although her attempts have been fruitless. Edward has, somehow, been working around her visions. Alice says he must have picked up the tips from Victoria and her newborns when they attacked nine years ago. So, she spends hours meditating and searching the future for any glimpse of Edward that may come. She only seems to be able to find short visions where he is in non-descript places that could be _anywhere_ in the world.

But for two whole days now, she's been acting odd.

No one else notices it, but I do. I know Alice better than I know myself and she is definitely hiding something. But I don't ask what it is. She'll tell me when she's ready. I can tell that she's just bursting to spill her secret, but she, endearingly, holds on to it. I love her.

I have retreated into my study to avoid the emotions of my family. The door is firmly shut to block it all out, but the walls can only do so much. Since Bella and Nessie had moved into the house, the depression has hit the family at an all time high. Nessie has feelings of pain, anger, longing, love, hate and confusion. This is a lot for a young girl to have. She's not receiving any support from her mother (who feels...nothing) so poor Renesmee is forced to keep it all inside.

I try to ignore Alice who is sitting on top of my desk, completely still. She hasn't moved for hours and she is staring blankly at the wall in front of her. I glance at her briefly before returning my attention to the book. When will she move? It's making me very uneasy. What is she waiting for?

I read the words on the page quickly, a new desire to finish this book as fast as possible consumes my thoughts. The house is thankfully silent. Carlisle, Esme, Rose and Em have left for a day of hunting. Nessie and Bella are in their room, refusing to leave the confines of it.

Alice hisses and I quickly put down my book.

"What?" I ask, alarmed.

"Get him out," she speaks through gritted teeth.

"Who? Alice – Then, I hear Jacob Black galloping toward the house and Nessie can be distinctly heard leaving her bedroom quickly.

Alice leaps gracefully off the desk and walks to the door. I tut in disapproval. She has no right to interfere with Jacob and Nessie.

Alice frowns at me and continues to edge her way to the confronting young lovers.

Nessie emerges from the front door, I can hear her sigh, and her emotions have changed to exhaustive annoyance.

"Go away, Jacob," she says firmly.

"Nessie, please –"

"No! I - I can't have you here..."

"Nessie, just – just, please, five minutes. That's all I need!"

"Maybe she should go," Alice says and whips around to face me. I shrug, not really caring what Nessie does. Alice purses her lips and yanks open the door and skips down the hall and out of sight.

My wife. She can't help but chime in her opinion.

"Nessie, Jasper and I will watch Bella for you." Alice has joined the party in front of the house.

Nessie's annoyance increases ten-fold. "No, thank you, Alice," she attempts to say in a controlled manner.

"It's fine! I've looked after a heartbroken Bella before! It's no big deal," Alice says nonchalantly. Nessie does not like this. The fact that Alice is treating her mother's misery so easily is angering the young girl. Jacob's feelings of desperation and heart ache are overwhelming. I would not go down and join the confrontation unless Alice was being threatened. There was no way I'd put myself in that sort of emotional situation.

"It's not fine," she growled. I was stunned at how much she sounded like Edward in that moment. There were times when I wondered if Bella was even the mother...but I had seen her carry that child, unfortunately, so I knew that Bella definitely gave birth to Nessie.

Alice: so calm, so cool. "Go play with Jacob. Everything is _fine_, I promise. All he needs is five minutes. Surely you can spare such a short amount of time to the man who practically raised you?" Nessie winces at Alice's words. Reluctantly, she follows Jacob into the woods and away from the house that has become her dark abyss.

Alice prances up the stairs and rejoins me in my study, half a second later. She closes the door firmly behind her.

"Finally!" she cries. "We're alone! Have you noticed we've been surrounded by everyone non-stop for the past three months?" She complains. She jumps toward me and I stand up quickly, taking her in my arms, gladly.

Yes, I have noticed our lack of aloneness lately. All I've wanted was to be completely alone with her. Even now, we weren't. Bella was here. But she was so out of it that it was as good as it was going to get for us.

I kiss Alice's neck and pull her up my body. Her legs instinctively wrap around my waist. I'm attacking her lithe body with kisses and touches before she too quickly, pulls away.

"Jasper we don't have time for that," she scolds, and unwraps her legs and jumps down to her feet. I try hard not to groan or glare, but I stand still and stoic, waiting. "You need to go to J. Jenks and ask if he can track down Edward's credit cards or anything. He'll be in a meeting in his office, but we don't have time for you to work around him. Go see him and demand that he does all of this thoroughly and immediately. Then return back here as soon as possible. Go!"

I stare at her in amazement. How long had she been plotting this?

"Alice-"

She pushes me toward the door and I am powerless to stop her.

"Call me as soon as you get the information. Speak cryptically so the others won't find out what you're doing! Now, Jasper!"

"Alice, have you and Edward been planning something behind all of our –"

"Jasper!" she screeches. I nod, not asking anymore questions, but still immensely suspicious. I'm out the front door just as Nessie bursts through the trees with Jacob close behind her.

"Nessie, I can't take this anymore!" his voice cracks.

"Goodbye, Jacob. Where are you going Uncle Jasper?" She gives me a curious look, and seemingly relieved that someone interrupted her and the dog.

I nod to her in acknowledgement. I walk into the open garage and jump onto my motorbike, turn on the engine and am now whizzing down the driveway. In my haste, I had forgotten to put on the regulation helmet, so I made myself extra aware of any cops in the vicinity. My destination was Seattle, and obviously there was a reason why Alice wanted me there and now, so I hurried fast. The green trees were blurs as they passed by me and I smirked at the speed. I loved to drive fast just like any other vampire.

I had to slow down the speedometer a few times as I had close encounters with the police, but I kept at an incredible pace that would baffle most humans and I reached Seattle in record time. I swiftly weaved in and out of traffic making my way toward the offices of J. Jenks. I pull up in the underground garage not too far from his place of work. I turn off the engine and put on the safety before running to J at an inhuman speed. I had to get there in time for whatever Alice knew would happen. I knew she knew something was going to happen and I was curious as to what it could be.

I walked into the building and slipped into the elevator just before the doors closed. There was a woman who seemed to have pushed herself into the corner of the small room of transportation. Her smell was intoxicating. I hadn't hunted in nearly nine days. I sniffed the air sharply before closing my mouth and nose, trapping out any desirable smell. Since, Bella became a vampire; I had always found her story inspiring. I hadn't hunted on humans in a very long time and I had every intention to keeping it that way.

When the elevator _dinged_ I exited and walked down the familiar corridor that led to J's office. His secretary, April, was sitting at her station oblivious to my presence at the moment. I stood there waiting for her to notice me before she looked up and let out a noise of shock.

"Mr. Cullen! It's been a while since you've been here..."

"Is J available?" I don't have time for her inane questions.

"He is in a meeting right now...it should be over soon."

"Tell him, I'm here." I look around the office space expectantly. She nods anxiously and picks up the phone and presses it to her ear. She punches a few numbers before she breathes a sigh of relief when J answers.

"Mr. Scott, Mr. Cullen is here to see you," her voice shakes as she glances up at me and then quickly looks down at the phone when our eyes meet.

"Mr. Cullen?" he croaks out in shock. "Where is Mrs. Cullen – Bella?"

"I don't know, sir. But, Mr. Cullen would _really_ like to see you," she says urgently.

"Uh, yes, very well. Very well, just a moment. Tell him I'll be a moment," J says quickly. She nods and hangs up the receiver.

"Mr. Scott will be with you shortly. Please have a seat," she holds up her hand to show me the seats.

"No, thanks. I'm fine here," I say standing right in front of her desk. She gulps nervously and turns to her work, pretending that I'm not here. She fails at this though, because I am so overwhelmingly close to her. She busies herself with 'important' emails and chews her thumb nail anxiously.

Finally, a group of men are being ushered out of J's office. "I'll see you tomorrow; I promise we'll finish the meeting then. Ah, Mr. Cullen! It's been a while, please come in." J has gotten much older over the years, I notice. I've allowed Bella to do business with him since she took a liking to him eight years ago. So I haven't had any reason to see him since. God, he must be retiring soon, surely.

I follow him into his office. He rushes behind his desk and sits down clumsily in his large leather swivel chair.

"What can I do for you? Is Miss Bella alright?"

I am irritated that Bella allows him to address her so. "_Mrs. Cullen_ is fine given the situation."

"The situation? What's happened?" I don't sit in the chair that is clearly present for visitors.

"I need you to track down all the activity that has been on Edward's credit cards in the past six months."

"Edward has left Bella?" J whispers in astonishment.

I stride toward him and he cowers in his seat. I restrain myself as I slam my fist threateningly onto his desk. I am careful not to break it. "I don't have all day, Jenks! Do it, now!" I snap. He frantically pulls over his keyboard and types furiously away at the keys. He searches his computer for any tracing of Edward's files.

I'm silent as I loom over him with my arms crossed threateningly. I wait for ten minutes, not moving an inch before J finally makes a noise that signals he's found something.

"Well, there hasn't been much activity over the past three months. In fact there are only two interactions I can see..."

"What are they?" I wonder impatiently.

"Uh, one of them is for a hotel room in Italy..."

"Italy?" I say alarmed. I am immediately given the thought of the Volturi. "Where in Italy?" I forcefully gripe.

"Venice," J says.

"That transaction happened about two months ago, though...ah, here's something. His last use of his credit card was two hours ago."

"Two hours ago?" I say quickly.

"Yes, a place in Spain. It's another hotel room..." His facial expression turns into one of confusion when J's fax machine starts up. I look over at it curiously and J twists in his chair, confused. He gets up and walks toward the fax and reads the letter that was just sent to him. "Um, Mr. Cullen. I think this is for you," he holds out the paper.

I yank it from his pathetic grasp and look at the words printed on the page in Times New Roman computer font:

_Blood!_

The phone rings and J jumps a mile high. I somehow know the call is for me. I reach forward and pick it up. I don't say anything as I press the phone to my ear.

"Jasper?"

It's Edward.

What is going on?

"You're in a hotel room. In Spain," I say, because that's the only thing that comes to mind. Not anger, not hurt, not confusion. Facts. That's what I want from Edward. I don't want nor need an apology.

"Yes, but not for long," his voice is calm. It's odd to hear from him after silence on his part for so long. I remember J is here, and he looks quite intrigued by the events occurring in his office.

"I see. What have you called me for Edward?" I ask, not wanting to play games.

"I'm going to need your help soon. And when I do, I want you to come to my side as soon as possible and with no questions asked. I trust you can do this," Edward says promptly.

"Yes," I say. Of course I can do this. "But, I'm guessing you don't want anyone to know about this little tryst."

"Yes, I would appreciate that."

"They're unhappy with you."

There's silence. I wonder if he's still there. "And you?"

I think about this for a moment. "Yes, I'd like you to return home," I admit.

Edward sighs. "Wait for my call," he says quickly and before I can say anymore the line is dead. I stare at the phone before slowly hanging up.

"Are things okay, Mr. Cullen?" J hesitantly asks.

I nod. "That will be all," I say and turn quickly out of his office and don't even bother with the elevator as I dart down the stairs faster than anything. As soon as I reach outside, I pull out my cell and quickly dial Alice's number.

"What happened?" was all she said when she answered the phone.

"Did you know this was going to happen?" I ask, I might sound stern, but hell, I had a right to be. Did I have to keep this secret? Not tell my family that I heard from Edward.

Alice didn't respond at first. "Yes."

I wait for her to continue in some way, but she doesn't. I sigh and continue toward the parking garage, still waiting for her to answer my question more thoroughly.

"What...?" She wants to ask the question, 'what did he say?' but obviously doesn't want to be heard by our family so she leaves it unspoken.

"Don't you know?" I grumbled, locating my motorcycle and swinging my leg over one side and sit comfortably.

"Well, yes. But the _exact _wording could have been incorrect," she says.

I roll my eyes. "How long have you known what's going on with Edward, Alice?" I ask out flatly.

"Sh! Jasper! I haven't! Okay, I'll meet you on the highway. Leave, now!" She hangs up the phone and I start up the engine. I dart out of the garage after paying the person at the toll booth, and weave in and out of traffic toward the highway that will take me out of this rush-hour filled city.

In no time at all, I'm making my way down the twilight-lit highway that was near deserted, getting closer and closer to home by the second. When, expectantly, I see Alice and her car on the other side of the road. I figure we are far enough that no one from home will hear us. I cross the street and bring the bike to a halt. I turn it off and Alice is sitting on the roof of her car, waiting.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," she teases. I smile slightly, though my heart warms at her words.

I lean against the hood and look up at her. "Will you tell me what's going on?" I lift up a hand and gently stroke her cheek, her eyes flutter closed. I'm softening her up on purpose. She knows this.

"I trust you with everything I have and know, Jazz..." She kisses my palm and takes my hand from her face and holds it tightly. "A week before Edward left, he cornered me. It was when we went hunting together. He took me far away, when he really didn't have to. He said that something was going to happen soon. I had no idea what he was talking about so, instead, I searched our future. I saw Carlisle and Edward, he was saying goodbye. Bella was miserable. I saw it all. Edward told me that I should wait for what was going to happen. He said that he'd call you, and ask for your help. I asked him what he was going to do, but he wouldn't open his mouth. So I searched his future, but saw nothing real incriminating. I hadn't been focusing on our future much at the time. Everything was going so great with our family that there was no point. Oh, Jasper, I hate keeping this stuff from everyone. But I promised Edward!" She cries and throws her head into the crook of my neck. I grab her neck with my free hand and cradle her softly and closely to me.

"I'm such a horrible sister," she mumbles, her breath tickling my neck.

"You're a great sister," I correct her.

"No! Here I am, I know so much –"

"From what I can tell, you don't know _that_ much, Alice."

"I know enough! I knew Edward would leave. I know he's doing something...bad. Dangerous. He shouldn't be doing what he's doing without our help. I keep seeing flashes of him. And certain members of the Volturi. Oh, I'm just so glad that he's still alive!" She lets out a soft sob and I pull her away from my neck and look her in the eye.

"I'll be with him soon, no?" I confirm.

"Yes," she nods, miserably. "Be careful, Jazz. I get that Edward only needs you...at the moment. I'm so worried. Just make sure, no matter the situation, you pull Edward out of whatever he's doing and you get the two of you far away from anything he has planned for."

"What's he doing Alice?"

She shrugs. "I don't know his sudden motivation. But..." she struggles with what to say next, but I hush her. I can wait. I don't mind.

"Don't die," she whispers.

"Is Edward dragging me into a life or death situation?" I ask, slightly shocked.

"Yes."

**R/R!**


	9. He Kills

**AN: Wowza, last chapter was my highest rated chapter! COOOOL! I think this chapter has been highly anticipated, so I'm excited to show it to you guys! My Beta has not beata-ed, this chapter, so it may be different. I wanted to get this out to you on Valentines as a gift! Thank you so much everyone! Read and Review! The reviews will give me inspiration for the next chapter, which is bringing me down slightly. I know what I'm gonna write, I just c****an't bring myself to write it. The reviews for the last chapter helped me to write this one in....TWO HOURS! It was amazing how the words just came out of me. Thanks again.**

**P.S: This quote for this chapter was supposed to be for the LOST chapter, buuuuut, alas, it wasn't written so I put it for this chapter because I loved it so much. Maybe I'll write the lost chapter some day????**

Chapter 9: He Kills

_Masimo said to Dave, "OK, now we sort this out, man to man."  
Were they actually going to fight over me?  
I should have liked it. But.  
Rosie said to me, "This is just like Romeo and Juliet, isn't it? If they were wearing tights. Should we lend them some?"  
- Stop in the Name of Pants by Louise Rennison (pg. 284)_

What will bring me home? What will make me stay?

The streets are deserted with the exception for a homeless man leaning drunkenly against a brick wall at the edge of an alleyway on the southside of the square. His dreams are harmless, he dreams of a life of luxury. I dream of...

I can't allow myself to think about home. That's not on my mind. What's on my mind at the moment is tracking down my task, I've made this job for myself and I will accomplish it. I have to. I can't let myself become distracted and tolerate my mind to wander down a path that will only bring me pain. I have to remain focused and indomitable. I have to bring myself peace. As much of it as I can get.

If I plan this just perfectly, then I should be calling Jasper for the second time within the next half hour. I had made contact with him about four days ago, and have been waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. Then I can move on with the help of my older brother. Thankfully, he had accepted my cryptic message – though, I'm sure Alice filled him in as much as she could – and agreed to help me. I hated to admit that I needed assistance with my task. I had hoped I would have been able to complete it myself, but after planning, plotting and tracking for the past six months, it was safe to say I couldn't continue on my own.

It had taken a lot out of me to get where I am now.

The streets of Prague were being abused by a vampire who was searching for someone in incessant detail and examination. I had been waiting for this particular man for months. I needed to get him alone without making my presence known by him and the others. I'd feel much more at ease once I finished this task. I'd been so tense lately, and this would calm me down most definitely. Regretfully, I couldn't retire once it was done this evening. No, I had more to do, but wouldn't be able to do it alone. Then I'd call Jasper.

This vampire was a threat to my family. No matter where we were in the world, he could find us. He _would_ find us the second his master gave him the orders. He couldn't live any longer. I had to destroy him or else we would never be safe again. Demetri. He was mine. Tonight. I had waited for this moment for a long time. I had planned this out perfectly and finally, he was alone and away from the Volturi.

Demetri was keeping an eye on a child in the city who had the potential to be a powerful vampire once he was changed when he was older. I would not allow another person to be condemned to this existence, most of all a child, an innocent. I knew that even when I killed Demetri, they'd send someone else out for this child. I couldn't protect him _and_ my family. I wish I could. Maybe, I would. If everything worked out...

Demetri was bored of pacing back and forth through the alleys, keeping in close proximity of the boy's house that he shared with his family. It was Demetri's turn to watch him. His hope was that Aro would request his return back to Volterra, soon enough. He hated doing these sorts of assignments, and preferred to be putting his talent to good use. He couldn't be more pleased with himself everytime Aro would ask him to search for their next victim. It was sick the way he took pleasure in harming others. Especially, when one of his jobs was to keep a close eye on _my_ family.

I stood very still among the shadows, careful not to be seen, heard or sensed. So far, I was doing excellent work remaining unobserved. I hid behind a tall building, the bricks pressed against my stone-hard back. When I would glance slyly around the wall, I would catch Demetri's cloak billow around the corner as he continued his restless pacing. The night was still, the stars shone bright, and the street lamps glowed down on the town square, which was empty of any human. Only vampires were present. One of which knew nothing about the other's hidden plan. I grin, pleased with my accomplishment.

This would be simple.

I'll have to be careful of the homeless man. But he's in such a deep sleep that it shouldn't be too hard to go on unheard by him. This would all be over before he could even sense any sort of disturbance in the vicinity. He was just a weak human.

I begin to sidle down the wall and am out in the open, knowing full well that as soon as Demetri turned that corner once again, he would see me in plain sight. I waited impatiently, eager to move on from this moment. I hear Demetri's ghost-like footsteps echo throughout the streets, and can almost feel them step closer and closer to my position. He comes into my sight and he notices me right away, stopping.

We stare at one another as he takes in my appearance, and internally questions what the hell I am doing here. We don't say a word; I wait for him to speak first to let him think he's in control of the situation. But, he doesn't know how prepared I am.

_Edward Cullen. What is he doing here? Is this some kind of joke that Aro is playing on me? Trying to keep me on my toes? Or, maybe Cullen is under the impression he can take me down. Hmm, no, that's ridiculous. He's alone. I can't sense any of his insufferable family anywhere near here. In fact, I can confidently say that they are all back in Forks. So why did he come here alone? He's a Cullen and they lack in the courage department, so he isn't stupid enough to take me on one on one. What a fool! Aro would be absolutely delighted if I brought back a Cullen. It would be such a surprise to my master, and I will forever be rewarded for my loyal services..._ His thoughts are unnerving as he smirks, believing he's got the better of me.

"Edward Cullen," he tuts. He folds his hands behind his back and walks over to me in a condescending stance. His eye brows are raised in disbelief as he takes in my ragged appearance. I haven't changed my clothes much, nor have I showered. When I caught my reflection in the hotel room a couple days ago, my eyes nearly looked blood-shot. I had dark purple-yellow-green bruises around my eyes, which were an abysmal black. His eyes are heavily lidded as he takes in my stiff stature. I'm prepared for anything he may attempt to throw at me.

He stops once he is about four meters away from my spot in the middle of the square. The home of the boy is above the small shop that fixed watches on the north east side. I was facing the north side of the square and Demetri was facing the south. It was a stare down as we both tried to figure out the others next move. _I_ already knew his move as I read his mind and he rattled his brains trying to find my motive. Was it to exact revenge? He pondered, aimlessly.

"What do you want, Cullen? If I were you, I'd turn right back around to that sad little town and return to your loving family before it's too late for all of you. Who knows how long before we decide to invade your happy existence again, hmm? Does your little, fortune-teller sister, know?" he sneers. I stare at him, my face emotionless. I'm not allowing his words to get any form of reaction out of me. He is acutely unsatisfied with my behaviour and searches for something new to say. "How about your kid?" His eyes darken, and his tongue flicks out and licks his lips. "She must be quite the grown up by now. I could tell when I saw her she'd be a looker once she grew into her _body_. Care to introduce me, formally, this time?"

The mention of Renesmee, rouses something inside me that I had ordered myself to block out once I left home. I try to ignore it, but the barrier I had put up is torn down by his words. I am forced to remember my daughter. Only her. Not her mother.

Never her mother.

I remember the last moment I shared with my little girl before I had left later that night. To her, it may have been another insignificant moment with her father, but to me it was so much more. I had no idea when I would see her again, or if I ever would. She was getting ready to go out with Jacob and I had arrived at her door, which was open a sliver. I heard her thoughts - which were consumed by her upcoming afternoon with Jacob - and tried not to let them bother me. She is smiling softly as she brushes her hair and sits at the end of her bed. I peek in and push the door open wider. She turns to where I am standing and she straightens up.

"Hey, dad," she says, nervously. _Oh, God. He heard me thinking about Jake...He doesn't look mad though. _How can I be mad when this is the last time I'll see her for a long while? My stomach drops at the remembrance of what I must do.

"You'll be okay?" I ask her. She has no idea the true meaning behind my words but she rolls her eyes, annoyed by her overprotective father.

"Dad, it's just Jake." She finishes brushing her hair and places her comb on top of the dresser. She turns back to me and grabs her jacket which is hanging over her computer chair.

"Yeah. He's good for you," I find myself saying.

She smiles, pleased. "He is," she nods. There's a pregnant pause and she gives me an odd look. I stare back, impassive. "Well, I'm gonna go now," she leans up and kisses my cheek. "Bye, dad." She skips toward the door.

"I love you," I call out after her. She stops at the door, and looks at me as if I've gone crazy.

"Sure, sure," she says this in the exact same way Jacob does. She flashes me a genuine smile, and proceeds out of her bedroom and toward a waiting Jacob, outside.

The reality of our last encounter, crashes down on me miserably and I feel as if my resolve will collapse right here, in front of Demetri. Now, was _not_ the time to remember my family. I had to remain focused. It was the only way I'd live through the next few moments. I had to_ live_. I had to return home to my family someday. I had to.

I pushed, with all my might, the troublesome thoughts away and put my attention on the Volturi member gazing at me in victory. He saw how much I struggled to remain calm after his words. I couldn't allow him to see my weakness any longer. I stood to my full height and glared at him with all the anger that has been my constant drive. I could not permit him to continue on harassing my family. This ends here.

"Say, goodbye, Demetri," I say, evenly.

"Goodbye?" He laughs. "You think I'm scared of you, Cullen? Far from it! You're _nothing_! The only thing you have worth admitting to is that stupid talent and wife of yours!"

His last three words caused the monster inside me to howl in expressive misery and rage. I pounced on his relaxed and taunting stance. I pushed him to the ground. I had a leg on either side of his body as I pounded into his face, chest and neck. He growled in frustration and attempted to fight me off, but I would not allow it. I scratched his throat and three large gashes appeared, blood leaking out slowly. He had just fed. Beyond the red liquid, was the translucent look of venom. I cried in victory as I knew that I had him beat. He was powerless to stop me in this state I was in. I punched him in the face and a sickening crunch could be heard for miles. He clawed at my body but I would not ease up, not for the life of me. He tried to gauge out my eye, but I grabbed his arm before he could even get close and ripped it clean out of its socket. I tossed it carelessly over my shoulder and clamped my hand over his mouth to muffle his screams of agony. Once his right arm is no longer an issue, I fasten my hand around his neck and squeeze with all my might. He blinks furiously at me and his eyes are glassy as he looks at me in shock. He now knows this is his end, and he is flabbergasted that I will be the one to conclude it. My grip tightens and his neck becomes smaller under my hand. Eventually I tear it clean off his shoulders and his head is in my open palm. His eyes blink a few more times, still unaware of its unconnected state. I look down at his twitching body and drag it out of the middle of the square.

That was stupid of me. I should have hidden in the shadows. With all that noise, someone may have seen us. I glance around and severely doubt it. The homeless man had fallen and was now laying on the ground, snoring loudly. But it could have been a close call. I finish my work as I dismember his body cleanly before fishing in my pocket for a lighter. His remains are in a blaze in an alley as I make sure not a single body part is not among the flames.

I watch the fire burn out and his body is no more. He will never be, and now my family can hide. A sigh of relief escapes my lips and I glance down at the time on my watch. It's early in the morning around four-thirty. That means it's about seven-thirty at night in Forks.

Before my mind can register what my feet are doing, I'm walking out of the alley and down the street toward a pay phone. As I get closer, my dead heart whines in protest. It's an odd sensation. It's the same one I get when I can't help but think about home. I know I can't actually talk to my wife or daughter, but it's nice to imagine. I had hurt them, so I'm not expecting a warm hello. No, all I need is any form of hello. Even if I just heard their angry, silent, breathing on the other end, I could die a happy man. All I needed was to hear either of their voices. Renesmee.

Bella.

I stop in my tracks; I'm six feet away from the phone. The hole in my stomach tears me up inside and throbs hollowly. The sensation is identical to the one I experienced when I left my wife the first time. I had sworn never to do this again. And yet, here I am! Idiot. I'm mental. Who am I helping?

I know the answer. But in my miserable state, I'm convincing myself that I'm doing no one good. I should just hop onto the next plane out of the Czech Republic and head back home. Home. That's where I want to be. With my wife and daughter. And brothers and sisters. And parents.

No, that would only be selfish. I have to stay here in Europe and complete my task that I've set for myself. Otherwise, who knows what could happen...I couldn't go back home and pretend everything was alright. As I remember tearing Demetri apart, I begin to believe that maybe returning home wouldn't be so bad. We could hide if the Volturi ever decided to corner us again. I knew for sure that they weren't done with us, especially after what Demetri had just said. And probably never would be. Unless they all died.

I sigh and reach the phone with only a couple steps. I pick it up and hear the dull ring of the dial tone. I need to dial. I produce some money to put in the slot and wait to think of which number to dial. I pluck up the courage and tap in the phone number that belongs to my wife's cell phone. It rings once. It rings twice. I close my eyes and feel venom pooling in my mouth. What I'm doing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Bella doesn't need to hear my voice right now.

Ugh, I can't imagine the kind of pain I've left her in. I'm a horrible husband and father. Absolutely wretched. How could Bella ever love me? _Who_ could love me? I'm nothing, just like Demetri said. The phone rings a third time and I lose my nerve, hanging up abruptly. I let out a breath of relief. That could have been disastrous. But my insides also twist in pain at being so close to hearing her voice again; her beautiful melodic tone that could send my mind into a daze of anticipation and love.

_Bella._

I pick up the phone again and dial a different number. The phone rings only once half-way before Jaspers' voice is clear and distinct on the other line.

"Yes?"

I swallow the venom and try to gain control of my voice. "Jasper. It's time. I need you to get on the next flight to Paris. Immediately."

"Right," he hangs up before I can. I'm irritated by his aloofness, but figure it's better than his questions. I turn and force myself to walk away from the pay phone. Never again will I allow such weakness. I will once again push away all thoughts of my family from my mind. I'm no longer going to think of them. That's it.

Against my better judgement, I think about them once more. But only for a second. Just a flash of their faces as I say goodbye to them.

I close my eyes and breathe in deep, taking in all the smells of the street. The air is crisp as the seasons are changing. The sun will be up soon. I shove my hands in my pockets and lope down the street, on my way to France.

**R/R!!**


	10. He is Unaware

**AN: Sorry It took so long to update. Thank you for the reviews! I'll try to update the next chapter sooner. I've been very stressed lately and so it's been hard to find any motivation to write. I will finish this story though. I have it all planned out and it won't go to waste. If you have any questions about the story ask me in the review and I'll answer it without giving the whole ending of the story away. **

**This chapter has not been edited by my beta, for reasons that I wanted to get it out soon to you. I wrote it, read over it a couple times and here it is. It will be rough and I'm not completely satisfied with how this chapter turned out but, that's the way it goes. Thank you! Keep reading and reviewing!**

Chapter 10: He is Unaware

"_Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak, which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else."  
-The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K Rowling (pg. 105)_

I have been standing outside of Nessie and Bella's room for a good five minutes, fighting an inner battle I was having with myself. All I wanted to do was go in that dungeon of a room and _find _something to do that could help Bella. I wouldn't leave until I helped her in some way. Even through my forced-optimism, I knew I'd come up short. Still, I felt I had to do _something_. Even if, at the moment, I was completely useless to my family. I hadn't been a proper father for months and it was killing me inside.

I knew nothing. My family was feeling so much right now and I had no idea what was going on. Especially with the sudden disappearance of Jasper two weeks ago. Alice is acting suspiciously nonchalant and telling us all not to worry. In an explanation for his sudden flee, she claimed that Maria needed his help, so he went to see what she required. Of course, we could all see how on edge she truly was as she tried to cover her anxiety up with smiles of reassurance. She was silent – which was so unlike Alice – and she had been occupying her time with meditating, obviously watching out for Jasper.

It was such an odd thing for Jasper to leave. The family was very fragile right now. He has been a big help with calming our emotions down when they were on the brink of consuming our every thought. I knew he had been secretly helping Esme with her own emotions daily, because my beautiful wife had not left our bedroom since Jasper left.

I hated seeing Esme like that. I've been trying to get her out of bed, but she has refused. So, I was going to ask Nessie if maybe she could persuade Esme to go on a hunt with me. Or something. She needed to get out of this miserable place. It was bad enough that Bella wasn't even moving anymore. And if anyone could remove Esme from her depression, it would be Nessie.

The door to Nessie and Bella's room opened, and I jumped, startled. I had been so preoccupied with my thoughts that I hadn't even heard her get up off the bed and walk toward the door.

"Grandpa?" Nessie stood there, giving me a look of hesitant appraisal. She did not look good. She hadn't showered in who knows how long; her hair was messy and greasy. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and bags were prominent around her eyes. She looked thinner. I frowned, wondering when it was the last time she ate. My worry increased with every second I stared at her.

"How are you, Nessie?" I ask, lowering my voice in a soothing tone.

"Fine," she said.

I looked at her sceptically.

"What...do you want?" she says slowly. I can tell she's trying to make her tone sound polite.

I suddenly was at a loss. Her appearance was staggering and I couldn't connect one thought with the other.

Nessie sighed. "Uncle Jasper left," she remarked. I think about Emmett knocking on her door two weeks ago to tell her of Jaspers absence. Nessie didn't look surprised, she just nodded and slammed the door in Em's face. Emmett walked out of the house shortly afterward and I haven't seen him since. Rosalie says that, "he's fine and hasn't left us, unlike _some_ people."

Alice had said nothing at Rosalie's implications and just proceeded to lose herself in her future.

"Yes, but Alice assures us he'll return," I say, trying to show Nessie comfort to the situation.

"Dissimilar to my father," her voice is dead. I look past her and see Bella twitch in her comatose state.

"Nessie, I want to help," I say slowly, moving forward and leaning against the door frame to stare down at her in concern.

"Everybody does. But you can't."

"Are you just going to be like this forever, then? It's not healthy. You have to eat. You have to...laugh," I shrug trying to find something..._anything _she can relate to.

Nessie's expression changes suddenly and I am taken aback by it. Her eyes have darkened, almost like a shadow passed over her. Her stance changes from relaxed to tense. She leans forward and her jaw is locked into a clench. Her eyes are narrowed and her glare is directed at me. Her grandpa. And now, she is the spitting image of Edward.

"Without sounding like a child, I am strongly offended by your remark and am defiantly saying _no!_" She pushes me with force, and slams the door that echoes loudly throughout the house.

My mouth is open in shock as I reflect over how I had just been treated by my eight year old granddaughter. If she wasn't in so much pain right now I might have ordered her to apologize.

"There's nothing you can do," Rosalie is standing at the stairs and I wonder how long she's been there. "She's long gone."

"She can't be like this forever, Rose!" I say, walking slowly away from the door and am joined by Rosalie who descends down the stairs with me.

"Right now, she thinks she will be. God, if I knew where Edward was, I'd – oh, don't get me started," she seethes. I don't mention that I hadn't even mentioned Edward, myself.

"And Emmett?" I ask, wondering how she'll react.

"He just needs some space. He'll be home soon," she bites her lower lip and leaves me alone as she returns to her room and I continue down the stairs.

I walk outside, craving fresh air. That house is too cramped right now. I feel suffocated by the negative emotions and slamming doors and a distressed wife. I walk onto my front lawn and circle the house, dipping into the forest. The sounds of a wood always calm me, but lately, I've been finding their soothing powers non-existent.

I venture deeper, but still not too far from our house. I come across Edward and Bella's cottage and am overcome with sadness. I remember their happiness. It always seems to be so fleeting for the two of them. The house has been empty for some time now. I begin to wish that Bella had never moved back into the main house. It only made our moods worse.

My nose picks up on a scent and I recognize it as Jacob's. It's fresh too. I knew Jacob to be circling the house for weeks now, whining in pain, begging Nessie to come out, but never knocking on our front door to ask in person. As far as I know, he hasn't talked to my granddaughter in about a month now.

I follow the trail and eventually find Jacob sitting on a log biting into an apple. He, like Nessie, looks like he hasn't slept in a long time. He glances at me when I am in his line of sight. He doesn't say a word, but continues to slowly snack on his apple. He's even lost the vigour he usually inhabits while eating.

"Jacob," I acknowledge and sit down beside him on the log.

"What's up, Doc?" he says in a voice that is so unlike Jacob's. It's soft and weak. Not its usual loud and strong tone.

"You haven't left the vicinity of our house for two weeks now," I remark the truth. Shouldn't he be going home at all? His father must be worried.

"Jaspers left," he says.

"Yes, he has."

"Why?" he looks at me, waiting for an answer. His expression is expectant, almost as if he knows exactly what I'll say.

"An old vampire friend of his needs his –"

"No," Jacob shakes his head and I watch, disgusted, as he eats the apple core.

"Excuse me?" I ask, watching him chomp down his last remaining bit of apple.

"No. Why would he leave now? I've seen him look at Alice; he wouldn't leave her behind - especially at a time like this - for some ex-girlfriend! He's up to something. And I bet it's with Edward."

My eyes widen at his accusation. He nods, in satisfaction at my shock.

"Exactly. Why else would the little one be so calm about her husband leaving her? Because she believes it to be for a good cause –" I give him a doubtful look, "- No, don't even. I'm sure if what she says to be true was _really _true, she would have told him not to go to that Maria woman _now_. And she would have said no to his leaving and he would have stayed. And you know it."

It was an idea, but the practicality of it was...I mean, we hadn't heard from Edward for months and out of everyone in our family he contacts _Jasper? _It didn't make a whole lot of sense. And yet...

"That's why Emmett and I have been patrolling the area –"

"Emmett and you?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah, didn't Blondie bitch to you guys about how I'm taking her _baby_ from her?" He asks bitterly, but also seemingly pleased that Rosalie would be complaining about him.

I shake my head.

"Really? That's weird 'cause that's all she's been doing for weeks now. If I didn't have so much respect for Emmett I would have punched her in the face already. Annoying woman..." he trailed off and reached into a pack that I hadn't noticed, due to it hiding behind his leg and pulled out a banana which he swiftly peeled and bit into.

I'm thoroughly interested with what he has to say. But it also proves my point that I know absolutely nothing that's going on with my family.

"What do _you_ think about Edward?" I ask, curious as to what he might say. I don't know if it was the lack of interaction with anyone for the past few days, but today, Jacob seemed like the most knowledgeable person I knew.

"At first, I only saw him as a coward," he starts and finishes off his fruit. "But, now, after talking with Emmett, we both agree that Edward would only leave if he had a damn good reason to. And I'm starting to think that you guys are in trouble," he inhales sharply, "and I'm thinking it has to do with Bella or...Nessie." I see the complete agony at the prospect of that situation evident on his features.

"The Volturi?"

"I don't know! Maybe! If not them, then who else?" Jacob looks doubtful for a moment before his expression returns to determination.

"Why wouldn't Edward tell us if we were in trouble?" I wonder, more to myself, but I had said it out loud so Jacob seems to be considering an answer as well.

"Wants to be a hero?" he guesses. "Thinks you guys would want to help and doesn't want you to get hurt?"

"But nobody has threatened us, so what would motivate him?"

"We don't _know_ that nobody hasn't threatened us, do we?"

"But, Alice –"

"Is clearly helping Edward out." Jacob gives me a satisfied smirk and pulls out a sandwich. Without Esme, I wonder who made him food. "Sue," he answers at my look of confusion to where his food came from. "She's no Esme, but it's better than anything I could ever make. Seth brought me this just about an hour ago." He kicks the bag and it falls over to its side. He leaves it alone as he peels back the plastic wrap and buries the sandwich in his mouth.

"I don't know, Jacob. A lot of what you're saying seems far-fetched."

"Emmett agrees with me," his brows furrow at me.

I don't answer. Emmett isn't the most rational guy. I hate to admit to doubting him, but I do. He's my son and I love him; however, I can't trust his judgement at the moment. He's too invested into discovering why Edward left to look at this in practicality. I really wish I could immerse myself in their investigating also because what Em and Jacob are doing seems to be distracting them from their pain. It's a lot more productive then what I'm doing, which is pouting around the house.

"So, what are you two going to do?"

"Continue watching the house. Be aware of our surroundings. Vampires. Just last week I caught a scent that was clearly one of your kind. I've never smelled this one before. I don't know if they were just passing by or loitering or have a whole different agenda, but I'm not taking chances. Particularly when I have my imprint in that house." He nods to the direction of the house and I see him sadden at the thought of Nessie.

"Right. If there's any progress, you'll let me know?" I say. It's the only thing I can think of saying after everything I've just learned. How can I be so completely unaware of this all? My mind felt like it was spinning.

"Sure thing, Doc," Jacob says. I shake my head and get to my feet. I glance back at him and he is morphing into a wolf and galloping deeper into the wood. I head back home, feeling somehow defeated.

Jacob and Emmett were on top of everything right now. They were investigating and trying to figure out what was going on through Edward and Jaspers mind. And after thinking over their theories, they sound pretty accurate. Edward would only leave if he had a damn good reason. I never really believed it was because he no longer cared for Bella. I remember his face clearly when he begged me to watch over her and Nessie when he left all those months ago. That wasn't the face of a man who didn't care.

Oh, I really didn't know anymore. I was teetering on the edge of hunting down Edward and dragging him home by the ear like a father. I know I'm a bit late on this reaction to his abandonment considering Emmett and Rosalie were completely for it months ago. I was just jumping on that band wagon now. I couldn't stand another day of Nessie, Bella and Esme being so dead. And Rosalie being cynical. And Alice being indifferent. And Emmett being obsessed with finding out the true reason of Edward's departure.

It was all maddening.

I walked through the front door and found Alice watching the television. A spot that was usually taken over by Emmett. She was watching some fashion program and I stood at the entrance waiting for her to acknowledge me.

Alice turned her head to the side and gave me a wary look. "Carlisle?"

"What do you know about Jasper's sudden absence?"

Alice frowns. "He went to see Maria."

"Did he?"

Alice turns off the television. "Yes, of course." She looks at me with wide eyes and an innocent expression, but I don't take it too seriously. Alice is excellent at lying.

"Have you seen Edward at all?"

She sighs and leans back in her seat. "Hardly anything worth reporting."

"What does that mean?" I ask, stepping closer to her.

She stands up, defensive, though she tries to be cool about my questioning.

"It means that I've seen glances of things. I thought he might be in Prague a few days ago, but _when_ in the future, I was unsure. It could have been in ten minutes or it could have been in ten days. It would be useless trying to go after him. He's not staying in the same place very long."

I sigh. I was now more convinced that Alice knew something. But I didn't want to accuse her. So I nodded slowly and pinched the bridge of my nose. It was comforting to do as it reminded me of my first son. I walked away from her and up the stairs.

I ventured outside my bedroom that I shared with Esme and cautiously opened the door. The blinds were drawn in a very dramatic way but also it was serious. Esme loved light and now she was shunning it.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the covered window. I closed the door behind me and took my shirt off, tossing it so it landed in the hamper. I reached our bed and crawled across it until I met Esme whose back was facing me. I kissed her shoulder and pulled her into my chest. I buried my face in the soft skin of her neck.

"Carlisle," she murmured. "I love you."

"I know," I murmured into her neck. She turned her head and pressed her lips to mine. "I'm sorry," I said, when she pulled away.

"For what?" she asks. Her beauty makes me catch my breath and I lean in and press my mouth to hers again.

"I'm not being a very good husband...or father," I say.

She frowns and falls back onto the pillows pulling me down with her. "You're the best husband anyone can ask for. And you're an excellent father. Don't ever think otherwise," she pulled her head to mine and we lay there kissing.

I couldn't let go of the guilt though, no matter what she said. I couldn't shake off this feeling and I didn't think I ever could. Even if my family ever was whole again, I would always remember how helpless I felt in this moment. As a father, I couldn't do or be everything.

And that was a hard thing to accept.

**R/R!!**


	11. He is Nothing to Her

**AN: I took everyones comments about this story to heart. A lot of my reviews have been ones of confusion and frustration to which I am thankful for. I like receiving constructive criticism just as much as the positive kind. So I've changed this story around... a lot. If I kept to my original plan, I would probably be receiving death threats. So, I've changed the layout of it this story and as I've written each chapter, I've found myself going in directions I never ever planned. (For example, the majority of this chapter was unplanned, and I have no idea where it came from. The last bit of this chapter was so random and out of place with where I want to take this story, that I'm a bit thrown). I'm not quite sure with what I'm doing with this story anymore, because with each review, I see my plan as one big flaw. I don't know how I'll continue, so I don't know when I'll update next as I try to move things around. If you have any suggestions I am open to them.**

**Also, originally this chapter was going to be from Nessie's POV, but I feel as if her side of the story is pretty obvious. If anyone is still unsure about her, then I'll be please to write one. Suggestions on what you reviewers want to see happen, or whose POV most interests you is more than welcome. THANK YOU for the reviews, I hope you enjoy this one.**

Chapter 11: He is Nothing to Her

_"Do you love me?" He still spoke softly. "Tell me."  
An order. "I do." I was sobbing and smiling at once. How was I going to give him up again?  
Char was jubilant. His voice rang out. "Then marry me!"  
Another order. I nodded and continued to weep.  
- Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine (pg. 226)_

"Okay, everybody up!" A loud booming voice is thrown into my silence. My darkness. "_Everybody!" _His voice shouts.

My daughter stirs beside me. "Wha – Jacob?" She moves on the bed and I suddenly feel her weight leave the mattress. I hear her annoyance in her scream. "Jacob! Let me go!" I hear him rest her on the floor and then I hear rustling. Nessie's skin collides with Jacob's. She hits him.

"Hit me all you want, I don't care. Hate me, if you have to! This is pathetic! You and your mother are acting _pathetic!_ Get up, Bella!" He strides over to my side and crouches down beside the bed and stares at me in the eye. "You're not doing this again. Get up; we're going to Charlie's! Take a shower!" he snaps at Nessie.

"You can't talk to me like that!" I hear her call from my other side. I can hear her tapping her foot in irritation behind me by the bathroom door.

Jacob clenches his jaw and stares at me with a 'see what I have to deal with' look. "Now, Renesmee!" he glares at her. I have never seen Jacob treat Nessie like this. Desperate times, call for desperate measures I guess. I hear her stomp to the bathroom and slam the door defiantly. Jacob winces and returns his focus to me. "Now, here's the itinerary for today: 1. You're going to get up off your miserable ass; 2. You're going to jump in the shower after Nessie; 3. You're going to get changed and look presentable; 4. You're going to put on a pretty smile and see your father; 5. You're going to think about someone else besides yourself. Stop being a selfish jerk and _get up_!" He orders and I suddenly see how great of an Alpha dog he could be if he cared to.

As much as I hear him, I can't. I just can't.

"You can do this. Here, I'll help." He tosses me over his shoulder and sets me on the ground. I have no choice but to stand there obediently. I stare up at him frowning and shaking my head. "If you can't pretend that you're all right for your daughter then do it for Charlie. Dammit, Bella. Edward never said that he _wouldn't_ come back. What did that stupid letter say – oh, here is, it's all crumpled because you've been clutching it like a baby – 'I'll be seeing you,' well that's nice and positive. Look at that, I bet you just skimmed over that part and only remembered the fact that he left you."

I hate to admit that Jacob was the only one to make me feel more alive – like, I was included in this world, after feeling distance from it for so long - after all these…Wait, how long has it been? Reality is crashing before my eyes and I see what a mess this room is. Is it – Rosalie and Emmett's? What am I doing here?

"You shouldn't be sad, you should be angry! Feel that fury that's been building inside of you all this time! Edward left you, _again_, after he said he wouldn't. He promised he wouldn't. He also promised me and Charlie. Hell, I'm angry at him!"

"What else is new?" I mumble. My mouth is dry and it's the first occasion that I've spoken in a really really long time.

Jacob barks a laugh and I hate to say that I'm startled by it. "There you are, Bells! Just keep that personality of yours alive! Not that there was much of one to begin with!" I can't believe he's teasing me right now. That's so Jacob.

Distantly – because everything still seems so far away – I hear the shower turn off. I stand there looking around the room wondering where to start. What was my itinerary again? I feel really stupid needing to ask Jacob for him to repeat it. He was making the bed. It wasn't a very good job and he noticed. He glanced at me before shaking his head and stripping the duvet and sheets off all together.

"I think these need a good wash," he muttered, tossing them to the ground.

Nessie walks in, only wearing a towel. "I forgot to get clothes," she answers. I glance at Jacob and he is purposely looking away from her, staring at the dirty sheets like they're some complicated math problem. The corners of my mouth tilt upward slightly but I push them back down to a neutral line. Smiling just felt too weird for me at the moment.

She shuts the bathroom door again. Jacob looks up at me and grins. "So forgetful," he mutters, looking away from me quickly and back toward the sheets, frowning he says, "Maybe you should get your clothes ready, too. I mean, I don't need to see you coming out here in a towel because you forgot them. That would be crossing the line, which is something we've avoided like the plague for years now and I think we should keep it that way," he winks at me and gives me a little nudge to the dresser.

Nessie comes out of the room with a towel drying her hair. "I'll get clothes for you, Mom," she moves to help me but Jacob grabs her arm.

"She's not an invalid, she can do it herself. Come on, let's go downstairs. Leave your Mom. If you're not ready in fifteen minutes, Bells, I'm sending Alice up here!" I heard the door close behind me and I was left alone.

I felt fear. That's the first thing. I had no one. I breathed in sharply, unable to catch any form of unneeded breath. I held onto my torso and looked at the dresser. I slowly pulled my hand away and opened a drawer. I grabbed the clothes quickly, not really wanting Alice to interfere.

My consciousness improved as time passed. I turned on the shower. I was fading in and out of reality, not really sure what was going on. I peeled my clothes off, something I hadn't done in a while. But I was always aware of Nessie. I slowly opened the shower door, stepped in, and closed it behind me. She was the light in my darkness; she was a little piece of _him_. I stared at the water pounding down, not wanting to get wet. But, I hated myself for being the cause to her misery, if I was stronger; she wouldn't be so...frozen. I walked under the beating shower and let the water wash over me.

And, I felt better.

Nowhere near being one hundred percent, but I was about point-one percent better.

Nessie had sacrificed the life she's been building with Jacob, for me. I felt horribly uneasy about that. But, selfishly, I couldn't tell her to go. I wouldn't even allow myself to think what would happen if she wasn't there by my side, constantly. I would be so lost without her. My daughter was mature beyond her eight years.

How long has it been?

This sudden realization hit me in a staggering effect. What's the timeline? Edward...When did he leave? I couldn't recall the date.

Unexpectedly, it became important to know. I finished my shower, at super-human speed and dried myself off, throwing on the clothes that I hadn't bothered to really look at, I darted out the door and down the stairs where my family was staring at me in shock.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said. I couldn't look at them, I just focused on Nessie. "_What_ are you wearing? I could have helped and you could have avoided this nauseating ensemble altogether!" Nessie. Nessie. Nessie. She was here. She hadn't left me. That was reassuring, to know that my daughter wouldn't abandon without any notice. I felt a squirming feeling in my lower abdomen.

"How long?" I croaked. Nessie slowly rose to her feet and Jacob was looking tense. I had ruined his plan for the day with my dramatic entrance. Well, he should be thankful that he got me out of bed. He got me to finally focus on the situation at hand. He should be grateful!

"How long, what?" Nessie walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"When did he leave?" I said quickly, wanting this over. I wanted to know so I could...continue on with my day.

Nessie sighed. "It's been one hundred and twenty-six days."

My eyes widened and I stared at Nessie. I felt an emotion I hadn't experience in a very long time. It boiled deep inside of me, but I was afraid of it. Nothing good could come out of it. So I suppressed its cry to be released and nodded in understanding. I had to accept the facts. He had been gone for over four months.

"Happy birthday," I said softly. Nessie's eyes began to water and tears fell faster than I thought possible. "I'm sorry, I missed your birthday. You're nine." I acknowledged and Nessie pressed her face into the nape of my neck.

"Mommy," she sobbed and held onto me tightly. I can't remember the last time I had an actual conversation with Nessie, but apparently it had been a while.

Edward...had missed our anniversary, my birthday and Nessie's birthday. And so did I. I was just as bad as he was. I was gone those same four months too.

It took my daughter's uncontrollable sobs and a pushy Jacob for me to realize all this. I kissed her temple and let her cry. I didn't fall down from her tight grip. If she had done this when I wasn't so focused, it may have been an issue. But I was here with her, for the most part. My mind was begging to just fall back into that cozy alcove where I had spent the past few months.

Beyond Nessie, I could see Jacob. He was not too pleased with the situation given. I glanced quickly around the room and noticed the absence of Emmett and Jasper. Where were they? Nessie pulled away and looked at me with shining eyes and a faint smile on her lips.

"I missed you," she mumbled.

How could I? In that moment, I forgot about everything else except my daughter. I hated myself for causing her this pain, and I hated myself even more for not noticing it. And I think Jacob hated me for it too, because his jaw was visibly clenched.

He caught my eye and nodded his head to the door.

"Renesmee, we're gonna see Grandpa now, okay?" I held her face in between my hands.

She nodded, a smile breaking out. She grabbed my hand and led me out the door with Jacob closely on our heels. Jacob strode past us and led us to Carlisle's car and opened the back door where Nessie slid in beside me. Jacob sat in the driver's seat and started the car. Nessie curled up against me and rested her head on my lap and I stroked her hair, staring at her angelic face. She was so beautiful. I still wondered how I could have made such an amazing child. She was so unlike me. So graceful. So charming. So talented. So adorable. So intelligent. So compassionate. So fiery. So stubborn. _So_ beautiful.

She looked up at me and her expression was child-like, gleeful. All she wanted was her mom back and I was reminded that she was still very young. Even though she was mature like an adult and looked like one, she wasn't. And the knowledge that she still needed me as her mom made my heart sing in delight. It was nice to be needed and wanted. And loved.

Nessie hadn't looked at me like this since she was small. She touched my nose and I let out a weak smile. She let out a little noise, almost a half-giggle.

"Grandpa missed you. He's very worried," Nessie looked away and placed her feet on the window sill, stretching her legs.

"I'm sure he is," I say, continuing to run my hands through her gorgeous hair. I tried really hard to focus on her and not the striking resemblance she bore of her father.

"No, I mean it. I don't know if you remember, but he's been at the house several times. He told me that as soon as you...came to – he was so sure that you would. He said you would be okay, just like before – that you come to his house. He loves you, mom," Nessie said, playing with her hands, which were rested on her stomach.

"He loves you, too," I say, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"I know," she said.

The car slowed and turned as Jacob pulled up into the driveway of Charlie's house.

Jacob was out of the car and opened up the passenger side of the back door where Nessie's feet were resting. He held onto her ankles and dragged her out. She let out a shout of protest. I was a bit annoyed at Jacob for doing this, but also felt glad that he was willing to return to the way things were before. Nessie shoved him away and quickly ran to my side of the car, to which I was slowly getting out of. I didn't want to look at the house, so I just focused on my feet as Nessie led me up the path to the door.

Jacob reached over our heads and knocked on the door loudly. We waited and heard shuffling, it didn't sound like Charlie's foot-falls at all.

Sue opened the door, looking shocked. "Bella! Charlie! Bella's here!" Her expression was baffled as she stood firmly in her place, not bothering to step aside to let us in. I heard Charlie heave himself off the couch and he jogged to the front door. His mouth fell open in shock. He pushed Sue away who was now beaming.

"Bells, look at you!" He leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. It wasn't bone crushing, and Charlie seemed alarmed that I was so cold and hard, but he quickly brushed that thought away as he stared at me, happy. "You feelin' alright, kid?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm okay, Dad. Are you going to let us in, or what?" I ask, trying to tease him. It was difficult to keep my voice light, but I would for Charlie.

"Seriously, Charlie! Its winter out here, some of us are freezing!" Jacob complained. But, we were far from even being slightly cold. Charlie nodded and led us into the living room. He sat in the chair and Nessie, Jake and I relaxed into the couch. Sue asked us if we were hungry. Nessie and I shook our heads no but Jacob said, "Yes please!"

She shook her head and hurried off to the kitchen.

"Bells," Charlie started, searching for the words. "I...missed you."

"Same here, dad," I said, only staring at him. Something fizzled in my lower abdomen, like earlier. It was an emotion I was familiar with. I wanted to explore it, but I ordered myself to remember that now was about Charlie. Not me.

Charlie grinned at me. "It's great to see you up, again. What convinced you to return to the living world? Was it, Jake here?" He looked pleased at the idea. I didn't want to explain to him that me and Jake as a couple was completely out of the question, considering that at the moment Jacob wasn't looking away from my daughter.

"Jacob helped, yes," I said nodding. Charlie smiled and looked over at Jacob. Jacob was pressed up tightly to Nessie. I suppose he could excuse it for him being so large and seating being limited, but Nessie and I weren't big-boned and barely took up any room on the couch.

Charlie cleared his throat, but Jacob didn't seem to notice, his hand was creeping up Nessie's arm. Nessie looked at him and pushed out her elbow to his ribs. Jacob tore his eyes away and looked at Charlie who was turning a pink colour.

"So! Dad, how are you and Sue?" I raised my voice. It was the loudest I had dared it to be all day. I wasn't in the mood to explain the ever-going relationship of Jacob and Nessie today.

"What? Oh, fine, fine," Charlie muttered, uncomfortable with the question. My father was a very private man and didn't like this question whenever I would ask it. Sue came into the living room with a large sandwich for Jacob, who could focus on that instead of Nessie.

Sue smiled and sat on the arm of Charlie's chair, her own arm gently resting on the back of the seat.

"Actually, Bells, I've been going through some old boxes and I came across a bunch of your stuff when you were a baby," Charlie looks a bit embarrassed by this information. "It's all in your room, I was wondering if you wanted to look through it."

My heart feels as if it dropped. But I soldier on, I have to. Nessie is looking at me worriedly. "Sure, dad. I'll...do that right now if you want."

"Now?" Charlie's expression falters. "But, how about later?" He wants to continue our small talk. But I'm already sick of it. I love my dad, but right now there wasn't much to talk about. The only thing that was news-worthy was my new found consciousness and nobody would dare actually bring that up.

"I won't be long," I say, shaking my head and pulling myself from the couch.

"Mom?" Nessie questions.

"Entertain your grandpa for me, Ness. Tell him a funny story. He loves your stories," I say gently.

She looks at Charlie and her face changes. "Wanna hear a story, grandpa?" she asks, excitedly. I walk out of the room and tune out the talking in the living room.

My mind is shifting into the alcove that brought me so much comfort for the past four months. The emotion in my stomach was coming to its hilt, but I still kept it under control. Now was not the time. Not in front of Charlie or Nessie. Never.

I glided up the stairs in an almost trance. It feels as if I'm alone. Just I, like it used to be, all those years ago in this house.

I stare down the hall and my bedroom door is closed, calling out to me in the most provocative way. I can't exactly say what it would be like to re-enter my room after all these years. I am vaguely aware of all the memories it possesses of me and Edward over the years. I can only recall a couple of them, but they are so prominent in my memory of my human days, that they are well loved and looked after.

I cautiously open the door and am underwhelmed by how generic it smells. I thought the scent would be dominated by Edward and my human self. I take a step in and I _do_ smell something. It is so faint. I take a sniff and am choked up. It's Edward. I close the door quietly behind me and I ignore the boxes Charlie has arranged for me. I smell around the small room and I glance at the bed. It's a single and I wonder how Edward and I had slept on that comfortably for over a year.

Edward was here and not long ago. I fall onto my knees and rip open the nailed down floor. I remember something being down here before, but I can't exactly remember what, it was a hazy memory that I couldn't recall. There's nothing there. I move away and pull open another floor board and find a note.

A note.

Another note from Edward.

_I love you._

It reads.

I love you.

I. Love. You

The emotion that has been threatening to pour out of me finally does. I can't control it and I scream. It's not a scream of sorrow. It's not a scream of agony. It's a scream of anger and little bit of hatred. Nessie and Jacob are thumping up the stairs in an instant.

I'm still screaming a feral cry, a blood-curdling, death-like scream. It tears into my gut and dead heart. The house shakes and I rip apart every floor board. I lift up the bed that holds so many memories, even ones I can't remember. And toss it out the window. Only the window smashes and the size of the bed takes out bits of the wall as well. I hear it land on the ground, branches from a nearby bush snapping and leaves rustling.

I feel hot arms around me and I thrash against them. I look and see the dark-skin of Jacob and I scratch at it. Jacob roars, but doesn't loosen his grip until he has to throw me out of the hole that I had created in the wall with my bed, moments ago.

I land agile on the ground and stare up at Jacob who is glaring at me from above. He is bleeding at the arm, I can see. He jumps down to the ground, never breaking eye contact.

"Jacob!" Nessie flies to the window and stares down at us in horror. I am still screaming, unbeknownst to me. Charlie and Sue are at the window too, on either side of Nessie.

Jacob steps away from the house and I step back, like a dance. And he morphs into a wolf.

"Oh, God," Charlie moans. "You stay away from Bella, Jacob Black! Do you hear me?" I hear him shout, but it's useless. Jacob can't hurt me. I am not worried in the least.

But the anger is still roaring inside of me. I'm not satisfied with how things have turned out. I need to do some damage to make me feel better. I pounce on Jacob and I hear Nessie cry. I pull at his ears and toss him into the forest and run after him.

"Jacob!" Nessie's scream isn't enough to break through this building anger. "Oh God!" her voice is distant and seems unreal. I can't worry about her or even focus on her when I have this unadulterated rage. Jacob gets to his feet and leaps onto me and bites into my arm, my scream continue, and I'm not at all hurt by Jacob. All the pain is the same.

I push the russet coloured wolf away and laugh at his attempt to calm me.

"Papa, help! Please! Mom and Jacob!" Nessie is sobbing into her cell phone to Carlisle. "Jacob!" she is hysterical and she's running into the forest after us. Charlie is calling her back.

I scratch at Jacob's face and get his snout, to which, he yelps at the pain. I grab his fur and kick him in the gut. He falls back onto his hind legs. Unfortunately, he is no longer alone. Leah and Seth spring from behind the trees and wrestle me to the ground. Jacob is up, barking and bleeding. I'm surprised at the blood that is leaking from the scratches I had created and into his fur.

I am unconvinced that Seth and Leah can take me, but they are beginning to feel smug about pinning me to the ground. I throw them off easily and back-hand Seth who flies into a tree, knocking it over. I punch Leah, who is outraged at what I have done to her brother. Her neck flies back and I hear a crack. Jacob growls and is on top of me; I am on the ground and realize Jacob is stronger than the other two.

I hear Nessie panting behind me and I look back to see her red face broken in misery as she stares at a bleeding Jacob and my bite-marked arm. The marks are faint and will probably leave a faint scar, but I'm not worried about it. It doesn't hurt as much as my heart. And then, Jacob is thrown off of me and Emmett has his arms around my flailing limbs. Emmett is stronger than me. Rosalie is helping Emmett who is now by his side, holding onto my legs which are kicking out threateningly. I growl in frustration. Nessie runs past me and falls beside Jacob. She buries her face in his fur, bawling. My screaming subsides as I'm shaken by Emmett, who is no doubt, trying to shut me up.

Alice and Carlisle are in front of me. Carlisle looks astounded by the situation, but then sees a broken Leah and runs to her aid.

"That was quite the scream there, Bella," Emmett chortles in my ear. "We haven't heard a peep out of you for months and then, bam! We hear you all across the wood!" Emmett thinks this is incredibly funny but I hear Rosalie scold him, furiously.

Emmett's humour calms me. It's familiar. I need familiarity. Alice steps toward me.

"Bella? What is it?" she asks, concerned. I missed her. I missed all of them.

I realize that I've had Edward's note crumpled in my hand this entire time, I calm my protesting body down and I feel Emmett's hold loosen. I let go of the note, tossing it to Alice's feet. She frowns and picks it up.

She looks at me again once she reads it over. Her face doesn't look too shocked.

"I hate him," I spit.

"No, you don't," she says slowly. "You're just frustrated..."

"No!" I cry, pushing Emmett and Rosalie away. "I'm fine!" I snap at them. They stand beside me, uneasily, anyway.

"How can he do this to me? Huh?" I demand pointing at the letter in Alice's hand.

"He must think –"

"No! 'He must think that what he's doing is right'! I'm not reading into that bullshit Alice! We are a team! Me and him! I am his Goddamn, _wife_! And _this_ is how he treats me! Like I'm some, child!? No more, I'm not taking any more of his excuses! That's it!" I screech, defiant.

"Bella...you're just upset. We get it," Alice takes a few steps toward me. I step back.

"No, I'm not upset," I say, calmly. "I'm just...done." I shake my head and rub my hands to my face. "I need rest." I feel myself teeter. My footing, my anger, fading.

"That's fine, Bella. We'll take you back to the house and –" Rosalie starts.

"No, I'm not going back to that house. I'm leaving here. Forks." I realize this is what I have to do. I look over at Nessie who is holding onto Jacob, who is coming to and nuzzling into her, happily.

"You can't!" Alice protests.

"Yes, I can, Alice," I sigh. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. But, none of you can come with me. Nessie is staying," she is unaware of our conversation. Her entire focus is Jacob. "I'm better now."

They look at me doubtfully.

But I am sure.

So when I left the next day, with just one bag and a cell phone – I promised Nessie to call every day. I was fine with how things had turned out. I was conscious and aware.

But before I left I wrote a letter to Edward. For when he returned. _If_ he ever returned.

**R/R!!**


	12. He Shouts

**AN: This chapter is mostly just a filler until I can settle the rest of this story. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for the reviews, and don't forget to review this chapter!**

Thanks to my Beta!

Chapter 12: He Shouts

_"You know, every day I would pick a different memory of you and play it over and over and over again in my mind, until every hair, every freckle, every part of you was exactly as I remembered."  
- Gilbert Blythe, Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story_

I wonder why I'm not more upset about my mother's desertion. The only reason I can think of is because her mood had put me into a depressive state that I was helpless to fight. Now without her here, I can breathe. I love my mother, but it was too much. I know I could have been stronger. I could have fought against the darkness and chose to rise above the pain, but I just found it impossible. My mother's misery was my company. That's all I knew. That's all I wanted to know at the time.

Or maybe I just missed my dad more.

No, that wasn't it. My mother was always very attentive with me. She loved me. My father, on the other hand, showed his affection toward me differently. I always, secretly, at the back of my mind, wondered if my dad loved my mother more. Is that right? Shouldn't he love us equally? Or shouldn't he love me more? Shouldn't the love for your child make all other loves seem petty? I was always given that impression from books and movies and television. The parents were so hasty as to divorce one another, and yet they couldn't bare parting or causing pain to their children. I found that that didn't seem to be the case for my father.

He left my mother too, yes. But I sincerely doubt he left willingly.

I mean, of course, my father loves me. I know he loves me dearly. It's just...it wasn't the same as my mother's doting adoration. So, I guess I was jealous of my mother.

My mother had it all. She had me, her never-failing husband (as of late), an ex-boyfriend who was still her best friend, a father who was willing to overlook his fears to be close to her, a sister who made sure she was always happy and fashionable, adoptive parents who thought the world of her for bringing happiness to their first son, and even more new brothers and sisters who care for her deeply.

And even more than that, she could hold the attention of my father. I can't count the amount of times where I had been having a conversation with dad, when my mother would walk in and his eyes would wander to her and I would be forgotten. Maybe it would only be a temporary forgetfulness, but I slipped out of his mind momentarily, nevertheless.

I was always second on his list of important things. Well, now third, since my mother was bumped to second place because apparently something else entirely was important as to be his new number one priority as he gallivanted off across Europe.

Yes, I heard my Uncle Jasper speaking with him on the phone. France. That's where he is. No contact for months and then he calls Jasper so they can bond over God knows what in Paris. It was infuriating. I haven't told anyone though. Let them have their secrets, see if I care. My mother obviously doesn't care what the hell my father does anymore, so why should I? I shouldn't and I don't.

I was home in my room with my mom when Jasper's phone rang. He was in his study and he must have thought that I wasn't paying attention because he answered his phone swiftly and I heard the voice – briefly, might I add – of the man who had brought so much despair to my family.

"_Jasper. It's time. I need you to get on the next flight to Paris. Immediately."_

That was all he said. No, 'hello'. No, 'how are you?' No, 'how's my wife and daughter?' Just an order in a monotone voice. I didn't allow my emotions to get the better of me so as to reveal to Jasper that I had heard my father's voice. I kept my anger and unwanted joy hidden until Jasper had raced out of the house with a quick farewell to Alice.

So, now I found myself dwelling on everything that has happened for the past few months since my mother left; which had made my mood lighter and happier. But, when I was alone, I would dwell. I was a dweller.

But when Jacob was present, I was happy. I hadn't given myself permission to be happy in such a while that it was such a relief to smile and jump and play with my boyfriend once again.

But, boy, when I got the chance I dwelled.

Which, included coming up with a thousand different scenarios for when my father comes home. If he comes home...

I imagined myself being furious and attacking him with such malice that I actually beat him at a fight. Of course, he never fought back in my dream sequence, because that would be unfair to me. But he lost every time when I conjured up this ideal reaction to his homecoming.

In another fantasy, we had all packed up and left, so that when he came home the house was empty and he had no idea as to where we could possibly be in the world. Of course, there were many flaws to this idea. For example, Jacob couldn't exactly up and leave the pack, who were so unwilling to leave their tribe. Another was Carlisle and Esme would never agree to do it. And finally, Jasper was seemingly with my dad and Alice wouldn't be so keen as to be kept away from her husband more than necessary.

Strangely, I found my mind taking me into a completely political direction to his homecoming. I briefly pictured myself standing in Papa's office awaiting his arrival. Once my father would walk up the stairs and open the door to Carlisle's room, he would find me sitting in my grandfather's chair, looking very formal in business attire. I don't know why I picture myself in a lovely suit, but I did. When my dad would slowly approach the desk he would see legal documents of my request of emancipation. I wasn't sure that if I filed for emancipation that it had to be from both parents, because I rather it just be from a Mr. Edward Cullen. Another flaw to this hole of a plan was that _legally_ I didn't _exactly_ exist. Sooo...again that didn't work out at all for a good scenario.

And with all those possible reactions to those possible situations I had thought up for when he returned there was one, that I often had, that was always fleeting because I would push it away as soon as it entered my mind. I was ashamed with myself for even thinking it, but sometimes the idea was so appealing that I allowed myself to run away with it at times.

It's a foolish image of my dad returning and me standing behind the rest of the family. They all greet him with hugs and kisses of welcome and words of how they all missed him and he being all bashful as he responded back kindly. Then, in a cliché fashion, they would part and it would just be me staring shyly at him and he would look down at me, a slow soft smile crossing his features. His expression would look apologetic and remorseful and he would take two giant steps toward me before stopping. We would stand there staring at one another trying to find the courage as to who would speak first when finally I would burst into tears and jump into his arms. We would hold onto one another in a fierce hug and he would whisper over and over again how sorry, selfish and stupid he was for leaving me and he regretted it every single day that he was away. He would tell me he loved me and he would never leave me and mom again.

I would curse myself furiously every single time I let myself think too much about it, or even at all. He didn't deserve anything from me. He deserved to be a lonely old man for the rest of his existence.

I crossed my arms bitterly and was under the impression that I may possibly be pouting like a big baby. I tried to lighten my expression, but found that it was fighting me to stay in a sour mood.

Here I was sitting at the reception of a wedding and all I could do was feel sorry for myself. I wasn't any better than my absent father. I tried to force a smile on my face but only felt that it came out as a grimace.

This was Embry's wedding day for God's sake and all I could do was be upset? Shame on me! Nana would scold me for sure for my behavior. It's unforgivable! At least I gave Embry and his new blushing bride a lovely gift...Alice picked it out.

Embry had found his wife about four months ago. He claims that he was bitter toward Quil and Jacob one afternoon because they kept mooning over Claire and me, so Embry had stormed off sick of their complaining and had gone for a nice run. He had wandered over to Missoula, Montana and morphed back into his human form. As he wandered the streets, not really paying attention, he nearly rammed into a woman and her son. The woman's name was Lydia and she was thirty, she was approximately five years older than Embry. Her son's name was Boone and he was six. Boone adored Embry almost as much as his mother. They were already such a happy little family. The three of them were dancing with one another, Lydia's beautiful black kinky hair pulled back into a bun and her skin, darker then Embry's, wrapped around her new husband's neck. I smiled a true smile as I gazed at their perfect family picture. Was someone getting a picture of that moment? I looked around to see several cameras flashing away.

I heard a groan as Kim eased into the chair next to me at the empty table I was sitting at. Everyone was dancing. Kim was about six months pregnant and her swollen stomach looked like she was about ready to pop at any moment. I didn't know much about babies, but I'd already seen Emily have two, and she hadn't looked nearly as big as Kim.

"Are you carrying twins?" I asked, offhandedly.

"Yep," Kim winced, clutching her stomach. I was a bit alarmed at this news.

"Oh. Are you okay?" I asked, concerned as her face contorted slightly.

"Yeah, yeah. They just love to fight with one another," she said. "You didn't know I had two little babies in here?" she asked, patting her stomach affectionately. I shook my head. "Well, you tell Jacob to smarten up. He ought to tell his woman everything."

"Right. So, twins. You know what you're having?" I ask.

"Twins."

My eyes narrow slightly. "Yes. But, what's the sex of the babies?"

"Oh, haha. Sorry, yeah, I'm having two boys." Kim shook her head and reached for a wine glass that was filled with water. "Is this anybody's?"

"Not that I know of –"

"Great. God, it's so _hot_ in here." She drained the glass in about two seconds and leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Watching Kim was really turning me off the idea of pregnancy. And after hearing the horror stories of my birth, I wasn't too thrilled with the prospect of carrying babies to begin with. I looked around at the crowded tent. It was arranged on the beach and was nailed down thoroughly with about thirty pegs at each rope. The winds were howling and the rain was pelting hard on the white canvas, but it was holding up. I was surprised, but the packs had spent hours prepping and making sure that this worked out. The ground in the tent was sand, and it was nice enough that I took my shoes off and dug my feet into the beach. It was packed in here and with everyone breathing heavily because they were drunk or dancing or laughing, made it pretty hot in here, like Kim said.

The dance floor was occupied with the wolves and their partners dancing about. Quil was dancing around with Claire who was hitting puberty and I wondered how awkward that must be for their friendship. I didn't dare ask Claire though; she probably was just transitioning into the stage where boys might not be so icky after all and the idea that Quil might be a prospect for her might freak her out. Seth was dancing around with Sam and Emily's daughter Nora who was now four. She stood on Seth's gigantic feet and Seth jumped up and down in an embarrassing jig. Nora seemed to find it hysterical though. In the corner I saw Paul and Rachel heavily making out. They had definitely not lost the spark in their relationship.

Jacob was dancing pretty crazily with Leah at the moment. Leah was laughing loudly as Jacob spun her around in dizzying circles. Leah kept asking him to stop through her laughter but Jacob kept twirling her. Finally the song ended and moved to the next one. Leah pulled herself away breathing deeply and told him she was going to sit down. Jacob whirled around to face me and the grin on his face expanded even wider.

Kim was now snoring softly beside me and her head was leaning back in an uncomfortable position. I grabbed my purse and lifted her head slightly. My bag was soft enough as I placed it under her head to give her a sort of pillow. Luckily, she continued her sleeping. I find myself an expert at maneuvering myself around sleeping people. After nine years of experience due to Jacob, flipping him over when he fell asleep on my arm. I could move him in his sleep without him even realizing it.

"You're such a sweetheart Renesmee," Jacob whispered in my ear as I pulled away from Kim. I turned to find him, sweating and smiling a blinding smile at me. I wiped his forehead, earning his sweat on my hand. He kissed my cheek and sat in the chair on my other side. "Were you watching me dance?" he winked.

"Yeah, you're quite impressive. Where'd you learn to dance like that?" I ask. I pull my chair closer to his and lean forward against his chest and I rest my ear over his heart, which was beating fast. "You're heart is so quick," I look up and frown. "And you're sweating," I remarked while he beamed. "And you're glowing." I pull away from him suddenly and he looks disappointed for an instant before he composes his features back to his elation.

"So? I'm happy."

"Yes, but you've received all these pleasant emotions because of another girl who's not me. The sweating, the pounding heart and that after-sex smile are reserved for me, Jacob Black," I say, my brows furrowing together.

Jacob's mouth hangs open in shock. He blinks several times. "I don't know what to say to that."

"Humph," I grumble. "I'm being a bitch, aren't I?"

Jacob's face doesn't change but he nods anyway. He closes his mouth and leans forward. "You haven't danced with me at all tonight."

"You can't dance," I defend.

"Compared to your family, yes. But if you compare me to these guys," he nods his head to the pack who are dancing like baboons. "I'm practically Fred Astaire."

"I'm not too familiar with that reference. Perhaps, Justin Timberlake?" I ask, shrugging nonchalantly.

Jacob sticks out his tongue in disgust. "You've seen a billion old movies; you very well know who Fred Astaire is, more than stupid boy band guy..."

"I know, I know, I'm teasing. Obviously I didn't do it very well," I lean forward into his chest once again, this time he locks his arms around me so I can't pull away a second time.

"Aw, Ness!" I try to turn around to see who said that, but Jacob won't let me. I see from the corner of my eye, Jared standing over Kim. "Did you do this?"

I nod, though it is difficult in this death-grip.

"Thanks, you're very kind to her. She hasn't been very nice to people tonight. Her hormones have been as unpredictable as Paul's temper," Jared says. He leans over and gently shakes his wife. "Honey, wake up. We're going home, now."

She grunts and swats his hand away. "Go away."

"Kim, let's go home. I think our bed is calling to you," he tries. But, Kim moves her head in annoyance and my bag falls to the ground. Her head snaps back and she moans in pain and annoyance.

"Ow!" she cries. She looks up at Jared who is frowning. Tears well up in her eyes and she begins to sob. "I'm such a bitch!" she leans forward and cries into her hands.

"Jared, you and I both imprinted on bitches. What are the chances?" Jacob says.

"Fuck off, Black," Jared snaps as he crouches down and tries to pry Kim's hands from her face.

"Let's get away, I don't want to hear her sniveling and Jared's sweet nothings," Jacob jumps to his feet and pulls me with him. As we walk away, Jacob teeters forward a bit. Jared appears to have thrown a chair at Jacob. Jacob turns around, anger flashing. "If your wife wasn't pregnant, I'd kick your ass, Jared."

"Sure, blame it on the wife. Truth is, you're scared to fight me, Jake," Jared jabs.

"Okay, okay, no fighting in front of an emotional pregnant lady and on the day of your best friend's wedding," I grab his arm and attempt to drag him away from a stupid confrontation.

He turns to me and wonders "Are you taking me to the dance floor?"

"No, I'm taking you home," I say, leading him out of the tent. I breathe in relief, as the sea-salt air fills my senses. I feel my temperature drop a couple degrees as I revel in the cold November winds. "This is nice," I groan and let go of Jacob. I walk further into the night. The waves are crashing into the shore, threateningly. They're pretty high and the idea of jumping into them crosses my mind. But then I think about the dress. Alice would kill me. She might even drown me in the ocean just out of spite.

An idea comes to me and I delve further into the night and closer to the beach. I turn to say something to Jacob only to find him no longer there. I stop and look around. I hear his booming laugh in the tent once again, and irritation flares up inside of me.

Indignantly, I grab the bottom of my dress and yank over my head. I pull off my panties and un-clasp my bra. Before anyone can even know it, I'm running into the ocean. Even with my abnormally high temperature, I can safely remark that the water is very cold. It doesn't bother me as much as it would a full human, but it does make me wince with glee as each wave hits my naked body.

A huge wave hits me and I'm completely submerged. I swim about and the waves are strong. If I'm not careful, they might pull me away. I just have to be aware. I may be super-human, but I'm not invincible. I hold my breath as I go under water nearly completely. I keep my eyes above the water – although it's a challenge with the waves moving about – and I wait for Jacob to come outside, looking for me. He'll get worried. I wait for him, excited. I know it's wrong for me to do this, but I can't help but be irritated at him for leaving my side after I pulled him outside, showing that I clearly wanted to be alone with him. He just pushed it aside as if it were nothing.

Finally he wanders outside with Quil and Claire. Claire is leaning against Quil's arm, her eyes drooping as she fights off sleep. Jacob laughs at something and glances around. Almost immediately his eyes zoom in on my discarded clothing.

"Is she naked?" Quil's voice is in disbelief and amusement.

Jacob strides to the clothes and picks them up. "Nessie?" he calls out, calm at first. But I can hear the panic rising. And so can Quil,

"She's just swimming. She'll be fine, she's half-vampire Jake, remember that!" he calls after Jacob who is jumping into the water calling my name, not even bothering to take off his suit. His _expensive_ suit. Even though I tried to spare Alice of a heart attack with my own clothing, Jacob didn't try and bring her the same courtesy.

I go underwater completely and begin to swim away from him. I remain along the shore as I swim north. My arms are powerfully strong and I'm gliding with a bit of effort through the troubled waters. But I'm moving at a quick pace that no human could ever manage.

Jacob is not a human.

My ankle is gripped by a large hand and my heart jumps in fear. I'm yanked back and then two very warm arms are around my waist and he pulls me above the water and I thrash against him, still feeling slightly scared even though it couldn't be anyone else but Jacob.

"Fuck _you¸_ Renesmee Carlie Cullen! Fuck you!" He shouts and his mouth is right by my ear, so I recoil from its volume. A tall wave hits me and I swallow a large amount of water. I cough it up and my throat hurts from the salt. A coughing fit starts, but Jacob ignores it. "You are the most selfish, insane, little girl _ever_! To do this to me! Even as a joke! I am so furious with you at the moment! I can't believe you would do something like this to me! After everything you've already put me through!"

I wish I could regain my regular breathing pattern, but from the lack of oxygen and the current water in my lungs, I'm struggling to breathe at all. And with Jacob yelling at me about stuff that has been building up inside of him for months, well, can't it wait until I catch my breath and we get to shore?

He's on a roll, apparently. So, my potential of receiving CPR will have to wait. More water gets into my lungs as the waves keep on coming. "Jay –c –"

"I'm not finished! Do you know what you did to me? You _killed_ me Nessie. I waited for you for months. And I received nothing from you! You refused to see me! You treated me like dirt! You treated our _love_ like dirt! I felt belittled, hated, betrayed, helpless, despised, disgusting, vile, selfish, and mean and that was all from you! I shouldn't have to feel like that in a relationship! Especially in one that I've invested so much time in! You have no right to make me feel those things! Yeah, you were a bitch! You were a bitch tonight and for the past four months! I thought I was okay with you pretending that everything was alright again with no explanation to your insanity or no real formal apology, but after this little incident, I'm _not_ okay! _We're_ not okay!"

By now he had dragged me to shore and I was clawing at the sand, breathing in raggedly. The water kept hitting me as I lay on the wet sand. He stood above me, continuing his rant. I was trying very hard to pay attention to what he had to say, but I was struggling keeping consciousness.

"You better hope for your sake that you heard every single thing I had to say tonight Nessie. I don't even think I'm done with you yet! If you think that you can just slip back into another one of those comatose states, then you got another thing coming for you because I'm gonna – "

I blacked out; I know that because the next thing I knew was I was in warm arms and Jacob was lightly tapping my cheek, trying to wake me up.

"Nessie, Oh God, fuck me! Nessie, I'm such an idiot! I thought you were faking it. I'm so sorry, baby! Baby? Wake up! Nessie!"

I closed my eyes tightly and then slowly opening, trying to remember everything that Jacob had just said to me. That was my first priority as I blinked several times. Okay, what did he say?

I was selfish, I made him feel bad about himself, I'm a bitch, I deserve death, and I hate myself. God, I wish I could die. I don't want to hear everything I did badly. I _know_ I did badly. But having he say it to me? It was horrible! I'm an evil back-stabbing bitch who doesn't deserve him. How could I have treated him this way? Easy, I'm self-absorbed. I really wish I could get him to stop looking at me apologetically and worriedly. I didn't deserve his kindness. He should be mad at me. He should shout at me for passing out on him.

I coughed and it hurt my throat.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Nessie. I love you, baby. Forget everything I just said. I love you. I love you. God, I fucking love you," he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

Stop it! Stop! My guilt is going to consume me and I might pass out again. He was kissing me all over my face but I was too weak to push him off at the moment. My limbs felt like jelly.

"Jacob." Bah, my voice sounded awful.

"What is it, baby? Do you want to go home?" he stroked my cheek and it made my eyes droop. Home led to my bed. My bed led to sleep...NO!

"Stop," I mumble, and push him off. He helps me sit up and then he pulls away as I breathe in heavily.

"Maybe, Carlisle should take a look at you..."

"No," I say. "Jake. Take back your apology."

"What? Why? I'm an asshole. I can't _believe_ I let you choke until you passed out. I'm so stupid. I should –"

"Jacob Black. Take it back."

"No!"

"Take it back!"

"No!"

"TAKE IT BACK!" I screech my throat cracking. Ouch.

"NO!" he roars. I breathe heavily. I don't think I can win tonight. I need to win, though. He needs to know how sorry I am for everything I've done to him. Because, honestly. I'm truly sorry. It never hit me, because I'd been too absorbed in my own dilemmas. But now, the guilt was hitting me harder than the waves had.

"Jacob," I gasp. "After w-what I did to you. You have no right to a-apologize t-to me." I stare down at the sand; I see the water hit the beach and rise up under me. I shiver at the coolness. Jacob wraps his arms around me and carries me further up the beach before setting me back down. Did he even hear me?

"Forget everything I said," he murmurs, brushing my damp hair from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear.

"Shut up," I mumble. "Just shut up."

"How about we talk about this later? When your throat isn't burning?"

"Shut up," I inhale and wince at the pain. Jacob shook his head in frustration and leaned away from me on his hands. He stared at me, his face grim. Good, he needed to focus on his previous anger. This was a conversation to which he would be just as unforgiving as he had been five minutes ago.

"Fine, say what you feel you have to."

"Right. Jacob, I'm a jerk. First, for ignoring you for the past four months. Second, for running into the water. I-I want to apologize. You have no idea how sorry I am for treating you the way I did. It was unforgivable and I was being an ungrateful little bitch. You've d-done so much for me, and look, you-you've even stuck by me after I've treated you – like you said, like dirt. You're not dirt, Jake. You're perfect and I was about as imperfect as you can get. I-I don't deserve your k-kindness or your love. I'm so sorry. Everything you said was true." I don't know how I managed to choke all of these words out, but I did. Now, I wanted sleep. Swimming in the ocean while a storm was happening was exhausting.

Jacob didn't take his eyes off me. I held his gaze, not wanting to look away from his deep black eyes. I loved him so much that my heart felt as if it would burst. My breathing was becoming difficult for a whole other reason that didn't involve drowning. Jacob leaned forward to me and rested his hand on the back of my neck.

"Are you up to kissing me?" he asked, seriously. I smiled and nodded. He pressed his lips to mine in the most delicate way that I shuddered from the sweetness of it all. Our mouths moved against one another, quickly finding the familiar rhythm they often took. I opened my mouth and soon our tongues were involved. I held onto him tightly, pulling him closer to me. I fell onto the beach and wanted him on top of me, badly. Luckily, I could heal fast. My throat wasn't searing in pain anymore. It was mostly just throbbing, and Jacob was distracting me from its annoyance.

He pushed his body on to mine, but still kept his weight off with one arm. That wouldn't help with my breathing problem right now, a six-foot-seven sized man crushing me. His clothes were soaking wet, and it was making me shiver, so I began to peel off his jacket and shirt. I fiddled with the tie, and Jacob laughed into my mouth. Eventually I got it off and he was shirtless soon enough.

"It's not fair, I'm already naked," I pout when he pulls away to give me a look that makes me dizzy. My head is spinning as he looks at me with such an amount of love that I feel that I could die perfectly content as long as he stared at me this way.

"I love you. I forgive you. Let's just forget it all and focus on what's important: I want you," his voice was low and husky, my heart pounded at his words and I trembled as our chests touched...

I wasn't sure what time it was when Jacob and I finally reached my house. We walked in through the front door where Rosalie and Alice were watching some girly movie. Their heads turned when we entered. I was thankful that I had taken off my dress and slip before entering the water. My clothes were fine, compared to Jacob's…

Alice gasped. "Jacob! Look at your suit!" she jumped to her feet and Rosalie paused the film they were watching. She squealed in dismay as she pulled the jacket from his hands. She held it and examined it. "Salt water!" she cried. She shook it out and ordered him to take off his clothes so that she could attempt to fix the damages.

"Sorry. Just forget it, I don't need a fancy suit like that," he said stripping off his clothes so that he was only in his boxers. Rose pointedly kept her face away from him; I can see her look of disgust though. I couldn't help but be pleased that she wasn't at all interested in him. I leaned into his now bare body, loving it.

"Everyone needs nice clothing, Jacob," Alice's voice lowered several octaves, and her glare made her look terrifying. Even Jacob backed away a bit in surprise. She darted up the stairs.

"Let's go to bed," I say, making my voice as sexy as it could be. Jacob perked up and his light expression began to smolder as he ran a hand up my side suggestively.

"That is not happening in this house, Renesmee Cullen," Rosalie scolded.

I frowned. "Fine, we already did it on the beach anyway," I snap and run up the stairs giggling, holding onto Jake's hand and pulling him behind me. He lifted me up once we reached the top of the stairs and swung me around. He rested me on my feet and grabbed my hand. He raised his arm and began twirling me like he had Leah, earlier. I tried to stop him, but he kept spinning me and I kept laughing so he thought it was okay.

We reached my door and he opened it so that it wouldn't slow down my spinning and moving. We reached the bed and I fell onto my side with Jacob following suit.

I laughed and held my head as the room was spinning madly by me. I had trouble focusing on Jacob who was grinning at me. Finally the world stopped and I climbed on top of him, straddling his body.

"Blondie, said no," he tutted. But he definitely wasn't agreeing with what she said since his whole body was now alert.

I leaned in and kissed him. "I know, that's why we're going to sleep," I jumped off him and pulled off my dress so I was in just my slip. I brought back the covers and crawled under getting all cozy.

He groaned and pulled off his boxers and climbed into bed next to me. I raised my eyebrows at his lack of clothing. "What? They're wet!" he defended. I shook my head and shimmied up to his side, and rested my head on his chest. I sighed, feeling so happy.

"G'night," I yawned, my energy draining fast. But, Jacob was already asleep. I snuggled closer and let sleep drift over me as well.

**R/R!!**


	13. He Began to Plan

**AN: Aw, Jeez. I don't know what I'm doing anymore with this story. Sigh. I want to finish it for you guys. I will. **

**If any of you have ideas for continuing, they are MORE than welcome. Thank you for your time and reviews. I appreciate them greatly. **

Chapter 13: He Began the Plan

_"I need to get out of here," he said, bouncing up and breaking the tension. "It's too hot to even breathe. I need to burn off some energy. Do you think I would _definitely_ kill myself if I tried to do a fall down the Central Park steps, or just _probably_ kill myself?"  
- Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson (pg. 90)_

"When did you call him?" Zafrina asked, standing beside me, her arms crossed, looking around for any glimpse of Jasper that may appear. I had requested Zafrina's help only yesterday, my plan evolving into something greater. She had luckily, willingly, obliged to come to my aid. I was very thankful for her loyalty and kindness, especially since this mission would be putting her life on the line. I would forever be grateful to her generosity.

"I called him two days ago. He wasn't as close as you," I remark at how lucky I was to have caught her while she was visiting Berlin.

She nods in agreement, but she still does not settle. I stand very still staring into the water as I look over the bridge rail, where the Eiffel tower is reflected. It shines bright with a very ugly light-show. I remembered when the classic elegance of the tower was beautiful enough. Instead, they had to light it up with multi-coloured beams that caused the once breath-taking wonder into a hideous eye sore.

Before this, I had spoken to Zafrina, telling her everything she'd need to know in preparation for this upcoming evening. I had read many vampires and peoples thoughts over the years and I remembered every one of them. I told her all she would need, to carry on my plan.

I had to admit that I was slightly nervous of Jaspers arrival. I wasn't sure on how he would receive me; what news he would bring about home. All of the things I so longed to inquire about, I had strictly ordered myself not to ask.

It was impossible to contact Jasper while he was on a plane, traveling to Paris. I also couldn't give him a number to contact me at, since I had none. I had thought about how we would meet without having any communication. Surely, I could have stood by the gates at the airport, but it would be a hard find, his plane. So I stood, listening for his mind. I had spent over fifty years with Jasper, living together. I knew his scent well, as he did mine. I wasn't too worried that we would never meet up. Besides, I had made it prudent for me to be seen by Alice, so just in case he could call his wife for any further information.

It won't be long, I told myself. Soon we can proceed with my plan and if all goes well, we should be returning home within the next two weeks. If I'm welcome, of course. I'm ready to beg for forgiveness.

Beside me, Zafrina perked up. I whipped my head around to her.

"He's near, your plan worked, Edward," she says. I say nothing, as I try to sense out my brother. I had grown accustomed to his presence. I reached out for his mind, reaching, reaching...ah, there he is.

_Where are you Edward? Alice said you were around here._ Through his eyes I could see him seek me out through alley's as he searched for a main street that would take him to the bridge that we stood at. He'd been here before, he knew where I was. I didn't move, as he eventually caught my scent and was standing in front of me five seconds later.

We stood there, taking in the other's appearance. He only reminded me of the home I left behind, bringing me a nearly crippling pain. But I stood my ground and showed no emotion. Jasper took a steps forward and I could see exactly what he was planning to do next. Instead of protecting myself, I let him drop his shoulder and hit me square in the face, throwing me backward fifty feet, on my back.

"Sorry," Jasper's calm voice said. "I needed to do that for a lot of people."

I stood up, easily enough and said, "Please, don't apologize." Jasper nodded.

_What am I here for?_

"To kill," I announced. Zafrina had witnessed all of this with a rather bored look. She only knew my plan a little bit. "For the past month I have been setting up an elaborate story about a young vampire terrorizing the streets of Paris. Coincidentally, there has been a human gang here who have been particularly murderous the past couple months. I have been edging them on, reaching the dead bodies and changing it up, so that it all appears the handiwork of a newborn. Because of all this work I have invested in this plan, the Volturi are coming to investigate. And Caius is coming along. He has been very untrusting of how things are running whilst he stays in his castle in Volterra and has taken it upon himself over the years to accompany his guard on their smaller missions. He will be here, searching the city this evening. Our goal is to corner him alone. Zafrina, you will create an illusion to cripple his sense of bearings, and Jasper and I will kill. Without Caius, Aro will be thrown off his game. Without Caius, we'll be safer."

Jasper took all of this in, emotionless. "And are we in danger?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to answer this. "My daughter is."

Zafrina had a deep affection for Renesmee, and at the mention of her dire proximity to death, she was more alert, ready to take on this mission for her. Jasper's jaw tightened.

"Are they all safe back at home?" He was thinking about Alice, I could see it. He was worried that he had left behind his wife unprotected.

"As long as we keep things in order."

"How do you know all this Edward?" Zafrina asked.

I knew I'd have to tell them eventually. So, why not now? To reveal my whole story as to why I left my family would be somewhat a relief, I'd hope. I'd been keeping it all inside for months now, it was about time.

"Seven months ago, while I was hunting, I took a rather different route then I was used to. I had travelled deep into the mountains, searching for food that would satisfy my hunger. But, I caught an unusual scent. One I had never smelt before and yet it seemed to trigger a danger warning in my mind. It was a vampire. I tracked him down in no time. He wasn't very smart, and was only slightly older than a newborn. He held a package; it was long and in a black box. When I opened it a dozen black roses sat still, with a small note that said, 'Soon'." I breathed in deeply, remembering everything from that day. The worry for my family's safety was my main priority. "I questioned the guy, roughed him up a bit. Eventually, without much effort, he confessed to his biddings. He was sent by the Volturi as a message to Renesmee that she was being watched. They were going to move on her soon. His orders were to wait until she was alone before he gave them to her. Aro and Caius' plan was that she'd be so overwhelmed by the impending doom that she wouldn't speak to us, worried for her family's well-being and would find some way to go off on her own. Knowing that she was my wife's daughter, this plan seemed like it would work out rather well in the favour of the Volturi. I could _see_ Nessie finding a way to run off to Italy and confront the Volturi one on one. It's exactly what Bella would have done – she _was_ going to do that at one time. I couldn't let her know. I couldn't let Bella know. Our whole family would be in trouble once again because this situation couldn't be dealt with in a silent way. As much as I hate to admit it, I was worried Carlisle's values would hinder us once again and we'd be subjected to the Volturi's torturous plans. I respect my father, but I couldn't let us be cornered once again. We had to rise above. The more people I told, the more complicated dealing with this would be. We'd all be involved, problems would occur. So I began to plan it out. I had to notify Alice only a little bit, it was near impossible to keep it all from her, but I managed.

"I realize calling you two involves more, but it's on my terms and it's for the plan that I have been plotting and perfecting for a while. I've killed Demetri; he will not be able to track us down. They can hide if I fail."

"If _we_ fail. You've involved the both of us now," Jasper crossed his arms.

"You can leave if you'd like," I offered. It would make things more difficult and probably near impossible without Zafrina there to keep up the illusion. "Jasper I only asked you because I trust you to carry through without any remorse. Zafrina, without you, I will most likely reach my downfall if I attempt to kill Caius by myself."

"How will we corner him? He'll be around his guard," Jasper shook his head, not seeing how this could work.

I smirked vindictively. "Zafrina can create an illusion that will pull him away, insist on being alone. Then we will attack swiftly and silently."

"Then, what? After this? So what if we have Caius and Demetri gone?"

"Aro is brilliant. He knows exactly what he's doing, but he can be persuaded into different directions without Caius there to add fuel to the fire. I can't guarantee that Aro will forever be forgiving -," I started.

"So then what?" Jasper's mind was moving a mile a minute as I followed all his ideas. He spoke aloud for the benefit of Zafrina. "We'll let Aro live? Who knows how long it will be before he decides to move in on us once again?"

"We'll deal with him."

"When? After Caius? I can see the Caius plan working rather nicely, but it's near impossible to get to Aro - our king, practically."

"He's not my king," I deny, roughly. There is no way I could ever worship or respect a man who wanted my daughter dead, and had attempted to kill my wife too many times than necessary. "We'll need more reinforcements."

"Who?"

I had thought about this quite a bit. How could we accomplish this in a subtle manner? We had to kill without attachments. I needed emotionless people who could do this efficiently.

"Rosalie."

Jasper's lips twitch slightly. "And no Emmett?"

"No, no Emmett." Jasper was surprised by this response.

"He'll never forgive you. To take Rosalie away and leave him behind. This is a fight, this is what he lives for," Jasper said.

"I know." I did know. It would take a lot of grovelling if I survived this and returned home. I'd have to receive the forgiveness of my wife, daughter and brother, who would all be rather cross. Another problem was convincing Rosalie to come here without revealing what we were doing. I hadn't quite figured it out yet. We might have to involve Alice a bit more than I intended.

"And the Volturi?" Zafrina asked, wondering when this small showdown would take place.

"Tonight. They're here. I can hear Felix. They're not far," I announced. Jasper and Zafrina perked up, sensing the Volturi. Without having to say so, we all slunk into position, branching off into different directions, instinct kicking in, ready to attack from three different sides and three different points of view. I jumped off the bridge on the right, Jasper did so on the left. Zafrina continued down the bridge, separating us all. I jumped into the water, and swam against the current, but not for long. I was scaling the brick wall that began in the water, jumping over, dripping all along the ground. I jumped from my position on the ground, across the street, perching on the wall of the building. I jumped across the buildings silently, sharply, listening closely to what each Volturi member was thinking. I heard Caius – he was heavily guarded, that was to be expected. I slunk into the shadows, as I roost on the edge of this building, staring down at the Volturi, who were arranged in a meeting, it appeared. They were talking quietly on what to do next, who would pair off with who in the pursuit of this unknown threat. There was even talk of speaking to the local vampires who might know something. When I heard Zafrina, across from the building, announcing that she was going to attack now. I nodded.

I completely immersed myself in Zafrina's mind.

She zeroed in on Caius. She imagined an event that he alone would see, that would pull him away from his guard. She took my advice to heart, remembering what I had told her. It would help with her mental attack. Creeping in on him was her illusion that grew closer to him by the second, before completely submerging him into her imaginings. The back street was just the same, the Volturi were still there, only down the alley, there was a person, standing still. Caius looked around, sensing a difference in the air.

"What's wrong, master?" a side guard asked.

Caius pursed his lips, a sign of shushing his companions. He cocked his head to the side, before catching sight of the lone figure at the end of the alley. His whole persona froze as he watched, astounded by this being. The woman was dressed solely in white, in contrast to the Volturi's regular black attire. Her white-blond hair shone under the minimal light the alley provided. Her pale skin glowed. Her eyes were a deep brown, almost black as she blinked back faithfully at Caius. His astonishment was evident on his features.

Jane looked at his warily. "What is it, my lord?"

"Let me alone," he edged closer toward the figure. "Go off and do what I told you to do."

"One of us will stay with you, surely."

"I said _go_, Jane. I am old enough to be without a babysitter for one evening," he sneered. Jane looked taken a back, but motioned for the Volturi to hurry off, giving Caius one last sceptical look before departing. Caius walked slowly down the alley, and the white figure moved. "Mother?" his memory remembered. It was the faintest and only small thing he remembered of his minimal human years, but he had thought about it often. This was what he remembered. This was what she was. Standing, in front of him.

Deeper into the small streets of Paris he followed, before he found himself in a dead-end. The figure stopped once she reached the wall and turned slowly. Her beauty seemed almost blurred to him, but he was too taken to be judgemental. What was his mother doing here in the streets of Paris? For she had died thousands of years ago.

He was overwhelmed and blinded by what was happening. He was being herded by me, Jasper and Zafrina. We were all looking down at him atop the tall buildings. Jasper was nearly twitching for a fight. He was ready to pounce, not sure if I would give a signal.

It seemed the perfect time to attack. I inhaled deeply, seeing this as the moment when everything would change for good. I was starting a private battle that was still unknown and seemingly anonymous. I nodded to them, Zafrina never wavering her illusion. Jasper dropped down first, I followed. Zafrina stayed. Before I could hit the ground, Jasper stood behind the unaware Caius, and snapped his neck clean off his shoulders. I froze for a split second before proceeding. Ending his life so quickly and without struggle was surprising. Jasper knew what he was doing though, which was why I requested his help. It was sad that Caius didn't put up a fight or even didn't even know we were around before it was too late.

Jasper looked over at me. "He was so easy to break. He was so old," he frowned, ripping off his leg. I tore him apart, rather confounded. This was too easy. Too odd.

I was very unsettled.

Zafrina joined us, looking serene. "We just killed a member of the Volturi. That was all it took," she was in disbelief, like I and Jasper. She handed us a lighter, and we set aflame to Caius' thousands old body.

"He needed to get out more," I remarked, believing that he skin would be stronger and the fight would be more difficult. Caius had only made a small peep, but it was a sad one as he watched his mother until the very end.

Once we watched the fire burn out, our first plan was to get out of Paris faster than ever. We raced through the city, through the country, eventually landing in Germany, but never wavering. We were invisible to the eye. Who knew how long it would be before the Volturi found no sign of their master ever existing? He would be gone, ashes, and they wouldn't know for a long while. They would search, they would come up empty handed. And they would return to Volterra to grieve.

My plan was turning complicated with each passing mile, running from Paris. Distancing ourselves from our crime.

_I am leaving you now, Edward. That was too much for me. I do not wish to continue your work. _Zafrina was ready to leave; I had seen this in her mind before she had spoken to me. I wasn't sure how I would continue, I'd have to revise my plan, but I nodded and she ventured off to Poland, while we jumped into the waters, swimming over to Sweden. Jasper didn't question her leaving. He went along with it.

I just hoped Rosalie would be as complacent.

I doubted it.

**R/R!**


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